Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Make me a Sandwhich.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SetmyselfonFire
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 41/55/47
    Words: 262
    Class/Type: Rant/Love
    Total Views: 896
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1531



    Description:
       just started ranting, nothin special.lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMake me a Sandwhich.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You spit out words like their burning the flesh in the roof of your mouth
    Your thoughts like crumbling walls, aged and molded feeling like there isnt any way out
    But I just walked right in, and took a look around,
    shook my head.
    Your soul smells old, dusty and bent.
    And suddenly you have nothing to say....while I'm taking you in, I refuse to let you live this way.
    Youll miss the little things
    the placement of shit that you dont even need
    like when she told you no, so you throw out a plea
    She was looking for more
    but she'd never find it here, stale bread like your stale state of mind
    spread with jelly like your constant conversation to fill her up inside.
    That'll do for maybe a week or two, but the lack of flavor, do yourself a favor and dont bother
    no hard work no passion, 2.5 minutes for that sandwhich to happen.
    Many times you realized this, so liek the knife that cuts and spreads, you cut into her body with your utmost agression
    no good intensions
    Feed her to yourself, and you move on.
    No use in reminiscing with a snack just as quick as the rest, forgetful as the next
    Maybe youll miss the ease of spreading your jelly, cutting into a sandwhich that she probably regretted halfway through.
    But these are old memories, so hold in your banter and sit the fuck down.
    I will not make you a sandwhich,
    but a 4 course meal, to straighten you out.




    Submitted on 2014-02-01 21:14:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Haha i aggree with sacrities, the use of food metaphors made this very appealing. Am i hungry or angry? Either way im making a sandwhich.
    | Posted on 2014-06-16 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh thank you so much.I feel like with all our emotions we gotta put a little humor. Glad you like it!:)
    | Posted on 2014-02-04 00:00:00 | by SetmyselfonFire | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, your use of edible metaphors made this funny, yet meaningful. I like that you kept some rhyming in there, instead of just a full blown nonsense rant. I have no criticism to offer. This is definitely going straight to my favorites. Keep writing!
    </3 Lisa
    | Posted on 2014-02-03 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198668

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    This written by Chelebel
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    ME written by jjd
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry