Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Make me a Sandwhich.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SetmyselfonFire
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 41/55/47
    Words: 262
    Class/Type: Rant/Love
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1531



    Description:
       just started ranting, nothin special.lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMake me a Sandwhich.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You spit out words like their burning the flesh in the roof of your mouth
    Your thoughts like crumbling walls, aged and molded feeling like there isnt any way out
    But I just walked right in, and took a look around,
    shook my head.
    Your soul smells old, dusty and bent.
    And suddenly you have nothing to say....while I'm taking you in, I refuse to let you live this way.
    Youll miss the little things
    the placement of shit that you dont even need
    like when she told you no, so you throw out a plea
    She was looking for more
    but she'd never find it here, stale bread like your stale state of mind
    spread with jelly like your constant conversation to fill her up inside.
    That'll do for maybe a week or two, but the lack of flavor, do yourself a favor and dont bother
    no hard work no passion, 2.5 minutes for that sandwhich to happen.
    Many times you realized this, so liek the knife that cuts and spreads, you cut into her body with your utmost agression
    no good intensions
    Feed her to yourself, and you move on.
    No use in reminiscing with a snack just as quick as the rest, forgetful as the next
    Maybe youll miss the ease of spreading your jelly, cutting into a sandwhich that she probably regretted halfway through.
    But these are old memories, so hold in your banter and sit the fuck down.
    I will not make you a sandwhich,
    but a 4 course meal, to straighten you out.




    Submitted on 2014-02-01 21:14:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Haha i aggree with sacrities, the use of food metaphors made this very appealing. Am i hungry or angry? Either way im making a sandwhich.
    | Posted on 2014-06-16 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh thank you so much.I feel like with all our emotions we gotta put a little humor. Glad you like it!:)
    | Posted on 2014-02-04 00:00:00 | by SetmyselfonFire | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, your use of edible metaphors made this funny, yet meaningful. I like that you kept some rhyming in there, instead of just a full blown nonsense rant. I have no criticism to offer. This is definitely going straight to my favorites. Keep writing!
    </3 Lisa
    | Posted on 2014-02-03 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198668

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry