I wish I could swim!! I love being in water but I am also afraid of it especially when its in a huge fish tank like the ones in the zoo something about it is slightly eerie. But anyways, what a fun beautiful piece. Its filled with sunshine and happiness. Water is also calming and refreshing. Really enjoyed this! Wonderfully penned :)
I like this it puts you right there right in the scene. I've never read anything from this perspective starting out under water immediately captivating . I can't say I've ever head the experience; I swim like a rock, I've only been to the ocean once and it was the cold Atlantic in early summer. But I felt like I was there reading this and in my mind that's what make a great piece.
I like you rhythm and you're even a good rhymer. Probably the thing to say is the thing to say and - then look at working a rhyme in.... do you know what i mean.... then the devices used are less conspicuous.
In this poem i like the swimmer's prespective, how that seems unique to an actual swimmer and gives us a panoramic view of that world and then a close up view of that world like you could imagine that tiny little air bubbles moving along the body of the swimmer and thats quite a contrast to the windmilling of arms and the mechanism of swimming and the body so along with that natural ability you seem to have for flow- its a good way, a good vehicle for telling a story. I enjoyed it.