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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Butterfly Strokedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 288/229/264
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 842
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 876



    Description:
       Just a drabble, kinda. Came home from swimming, and it's been on my mind, but i'll improve it later when i'm less lazy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsButterfly Strokedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I need to re-emerge so I can breathe
    But it's the last thing I want to do as I flap my legs like a bird flaps its wings

    I'm 5 feet in and looking at the ceiling drift
    Fall in, poke out and diminish

    I'm waving my arms around me and smiling wide
    The waves are barely there, but feel like a guide
    Smoothing down my hair and reminding me why
    I'm still living at this moment in time;

    tiny bubbles brush against my skin
    tickling my leg-hair as it rises high
    Adding one more fact to the list of things that I love about life

    Side-eyeing me from its right eye
    A purple tang fish looks for a place to hide,

    floating above it with a gaze set down, I mean no harm
    Then again, I look above waters and see why it's so alarmed.




    Submitted on 2014-02-13 18:42:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I wish I could swim!! I love being in water but I am also afraid of it especially when its in a huge fish tank like the ones in the zoo something about it is slightly eerie. But anyways, what a fun beautiful piece. Its filled with sunshine and happiness. Water is also calming and refreshing. Really enjoyed this! Wonderfully penned :)
    | Posted on 2015-04-07 00:00:00 | by ShadowParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this it puts you right there right in the scene. I've never read anything from this perspective starting out under water immediately captivating . I can't say I've ever head the experience; I swim like a rock, I've only been to the ocean once and it was the cold Atlantic in early summer. But I felt like I was there reading this and in my mind that's what make a great piece.
    | Posted on 2015-03-08 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like you rhythm and you're even a good rhymer. Probably the thing to say is the thing to say and - then look at working a rhyme in.... do you know what i mean.... then the devices used are less conspicuous.


    In this poem i like the swimmer's prespective, how that seems unique to an actual swimmer and gives us a panoramic view of that world and then a close up view of that world like you could imagine that tiny little air bubbles moving along the body of the swimmer and thats quite a contrast to the windmilling of arms and the mechanism of swimming and the body so along with that natural ability you seem to have for flow- its a good way, a good vehicle for telling a story. I enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2014-09-07 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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