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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Winningdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jazzy
    ASL Info:    20/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 90/220/226
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 814
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1266



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWinningdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Urges pulsing where control is messy
    Get up and get out, show me where you escape.
    This is going to erupt,
    We’ve taken this too far.
    You’re pushing me over and this time
    I’m digging in and shoving back.

    No winners here, this time.
    All I want to do is
    Feel my hand connect with
    Skin and listen to those words
    That throw me off the edge.
    Anger is my heartbeat
    Jagged and raw.

    Eyes against yours that
    Molest your thoughts and
    Help you remember that somewhere
    I’m always buried in your thoughts.

    But you’re quiet.
    It’s confusing and makes me need
    To dig my nails against the
    Sides of my wrists
    And wonder if this is how
    Manipulation gets in the fast lane.

    Teeth sink into the sides of my cheek
    And I can taste that sly smile
    That lets me know you’ve won
    Before I even got to start this time.
    You got me to break, and my worst
    Confession is that I’d never
    Really hurt you again.

    I’ve waited and anticipated
    Each drawn out scene playing out
    And none of them end well for me.




    Submitted on 2014-02-19 22:50:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm always buried in your thoughts..

    I absolutely love this line .. It's like

    You're thinking of me at some point, and in this jacked up mind of mine, it's somehow good enough .. I'll be here waiting for you .. To think of me .. And even tho you're the winner, I'll play the lucky loser
    | Posted on 2014-03-02 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a placeholder for a longer comment to come next time I feel the peace needed to dig deep into this pain and come out of it alive. I very much enjoyed this write, and gave it a favorite. You pose some very stark portrayals of emotional imagery. I've dug my nails into the sides of my wrists all too many times.

    I have a single suggestion. In the third stanza consider revising one of the thoughts to something else. There are many synonyms for that word... or alternative words with a similar but slightly different meaning. "I'm always buried in your dreams" or "I'm always buried in your memory". I don't know, word selection is your thing, I just think it'd read better. The stanza is a very solid entity because of your use of and, so it's almost like writing a really long sentence and phrasing the same subject on each side of the comma.
    | Posted on 2014-02-22 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


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