[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Ballad of Billy Jenkinsdots

    Author: isselman2001
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 37/47/46
    Words: 383
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2349


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ballad of Billy Jenkinsdots

    Lunch had erupted in the zing of a bell
    And a raindance of little feet poured over the swell
    In a grass patch beside a cement parking lot
    And the school flag flowed high over the assembled lot
    A tree of about twenty feet stood there proud
    Taunting a leader who was shouting aloud
    “I’ll get up this tree, friends—I’m not going to fall
    And I’m gonna bring down that blasted red ball!”
    So he climbed step by step, sliding here, stumbling there
    But he kept pushing on in the high swirling air
    And he reached the ball quickly, but he kept climbing still
    For he wanted to see what was over the hill
    Past the dark cemetery, the old church, the ranch
    Which he could only do if he reached the top branch
    But a curious thing happened before they all knew
    Their hero had vanished clear out of view
    Through branches and leaves he could not be made out
    “Hey guys! Billy’s gone!” someone started to shout
    When a teacher noted the commotion outside
    And quickly ran to the congregants’ side
    They searched the tree over—up, down, around
    But there was no sign of the boy to be found
    There came firemen, policemen, attorneys of law
    But not one of them could explain what they saw
    Scientists came to survey the scene
    A detective, a sheriff, a news magazine,
    The mayor, a politician, the school’s dean,
    The baker, the postman—they all came to glean
    Information about what transpired on the day
    But what really happened nobody could say
    So the crowd shrugged and left, of emotions bereft
    At the close of the day only five friends were left
    And they waited for days, but nobody came down
    A moment of silence was called in the town
    But the tree was kept up for the town did agree
    There yet might be a boy at the top of that tree.

    Five old men walked past an old parking lot
    Toward a little grass patch where their tree’d grown a lot
    And they looked at it, menacing—still in the sky
    And its branches were beckoning them to climb high
    So they did—one by one they would climb without fear
    And so by the by they would all disappear.

    Submitted on 2014-02-22 01:59:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Great Write--- I love the ballad form, and though the rhythm faltered a time or two--the overall read was pleasurable and left a big smile on my face. Where did those people GO?? :-)

    3 tiny suggestions -
    "In a grass patch beside a cement parking lot
    And the school flag flowed high over the assembled lot" I felt a small break in the even rhythm--with the conjunction "And" perhaps delete it?

    so--- "In a grass patch beside a cement parking lot
    The school flag flowed high over the assembled lot

    "There came firemen, policemen, attorneys of law
    But no one of them could explain what they saw"
    I thought perhaps NOT ONE of them--rather than no one--- seems to flow a tad better

    "The baker, the postman—they all came to glean
    Information about what transpired on the day"
    how' bout "Information about what transpired THAT day"

    Thanks for this Sunday Morning Treat!
    | Posted on 2014-02-23 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    To written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Giving written by jjd
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Wavelength written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Incubus written by monad
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]