[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Promisedots

    Author: Teofila
    ASL Info:    17, F, with the wolves
    Elite Ratio:    0.48 - 210/102/70
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1056
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 538

       This is one i wrote that can go boy or girl
    Friend or love

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Promisedots

    Im your star
    Ill shine so bright
    Just like a beacon
    In the dead of night
    Ill light the path
    Upon which youll walk
    Ill be the friend
    To whom you talk
    Ill write the words
    That you will read
    Ill give you all
    The time you need
    I make a Promise
    To you here and now
    To be your friend/To always love you
    Through ups and downs
    Ill be as loyal
    As a wolf to her/his pack
    It is this Promise
    I will never take back...

    Submitted on 2014-03-07 17:53:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this and I used to write like this. It's not that I've changed a lot. I don't have any good inputs whatsoever because I personally think this is a good write. I think each line should not be strictly consistent as to having visualizations and then not. But it must relate and I think yours does. Thanks for sharing!

    | Posted on 2014-04-03 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel like this is one of those instances where you kept having a great idea for the first line, but then followed through and ended up just struggling to find something worth rhyming with on the second. For instance:

    "Ill write the words
    That you will read
    Ill give you all
    The time you need"

    Started out with a visualization and then I'm like "what?", get what I mean? Not as well thought out I thought as some of your other work.
    | Posted on 2014-04-01 00:00:00 | by Zanitystar | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Push written by JanePlane
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Linger written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Your Lover written by Cordell




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]