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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Promisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Teofila
    ASL Info:    17, F, with the wolves
    Elite Ratio:    0.48 - 210/102/70
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 538



    Description:
       This is one i wrote that can go boy or girl
    Friend or love


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Promisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Im your star
    Ill shine so bright
    Just like a beacon
    In the dead of night
    Ill light the path
    Upon which youll walk
    Ill be the friend
    To whom you talk
    Ill write the words
    That you will read
    Ill give you all
    The time you need
    I make a Promise
    To you here and now
    To be your friend/To always love you
    Through ups and downs
    Ill be as loyal
    As a wolf to her/his pack
    It is this Promise
    I will never take back...




    Submitted on 2014-03-07 17:53:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this and I used to write like this. It's not that I've changed a lot. I don't have any good inputs whatsoever because I personally think this is a good write. I think each line should not be strictly consistent as to having visualizations and then not. But it must relate and I think yours does. Thanks for sharing!

    Jen
    | Posted on 2014-04-03 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel like this is one of those instances where you kept having a great idea for the first line, but then followed through and ended up just struggling to find something worth rhyming with on the second. For instance:

    "Ill write the words
    That you will read
    Ill give you all
    The time you need"

    Started out with a visualization and then I'm like "what?", get what I mean? Not as well thought out I thought as some of your other work.
    | Posted on 2014-04-01 00:00:00 | by Zanitystar | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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