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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Perception.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: obsidiandreams
    ASL Info:    29/M/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 169/212/105
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 741
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 471



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPerception.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I watched..

    As the final blow was striken.

    I sat, silently staring,
    While he slipped beyond reach;

    I waited, as he bled.
    While it pooled among the grout;

    I gawked, as his light left,
    While his breath came to rest;

    I knew, I couldn't stop it,
    While blaming myself the same;

    I killed him, through inaction,
    And then I dug his grave.




    Submitted on 2014-03-07 22:23:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is an older write and I'm surprised it has no comments although its hard to decide what to write about. This is a horrible situation and unfortunately its something that many military men and their families deal with for years. Always there are second guesses and could have beens and could have dones, but sometimes its just fate, and sometimes it sucks.
    I like the overall structure. The pairing of lines lets them soak in; each part important in the overall theme, and each action deliberate. If they you had not spaced them as such, I'm not sure they'd have the same impact.
    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-02-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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