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    dots Submission Name: Arctic Oceansdots

    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 849
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 800


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArctic Oceansdots

    I love you in that same desperate way
    that men aboard a sinking ship
    will pray through their clenched teeth that
    when the life boats are ready,
    women and children will be set aside in their favor.

    I will not attempt to romanticize the way
    that icebergs break great metal titans open across their knees
    in the same way that your words cut through me
    like I was nothing but emptiness and water,
    but I can't help but notice the similarity.

    I clutch memories of your touch like a crucifix,
    but I will sink to the bottom of this endless ocean
    without ever having truly drowned
    because my last breath would contain your name,
    and I just can't give you that satisfaction.

    Submitted on 2014-03-18 21:59:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      so aparently i am having one of those days where everything reminds me of a song.
    this reminded me of two songs:

    one: the wreck of the edmond fitsgerald
    two: play crack the sky (not sure what its called?)

    the way youve put this together is good.
    your imagery is strong and you definately know where you want to take the reader through the piece which is good.

    i'd almost exchange the crucifix for an anchor because the crucifix seems out of place though i can see how, if youre holding on for dear life in the face of certain death, it does work.


    sorry... i dont know how to imbed videos on this site.

    good luck.
    | Posted on 2014-04-15 00:00:00 | by allapo1ogies | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautifully written. The poem reminds of Neruda's Sonnet 17. Except for the fact that the person decided to move on even though he/she loves the person. The use and play of words is great, the comparison of love to a sinking ship is refreshing. Great job! You are very good!
    | Posted on 2014-03-26 00:00:00 | by iya | [ Reply to This ]

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