[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Arctic Oceansdots

    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 800


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArctic Oceansdots

    I love you in that same desperate way
    that men aboard a sinking ship
    will pray through their clenched teeth that
    when the life boats are ready,
    women and children will be set aside in their favor.

    I will not attempt to romanticize the way
    that icebergs break great metal titans open across their knees
    in the same way that your words cut through me
    like I was nothing but emptiness and water,
    but I can't help but notice the similarity.

    I clutch memories of your touch like a crucifix,
    but I will sink to the bottom of this endless ocean
    without ever having truly drowned
    because my last breath would contain your name,
    and I just can't give you that satisfaction.

    Submitted on 2014-03-18 21:59:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      so aparently i am having one of those days where everything reminds me of a song.
    this reminded me of two songs:

    one: the wreck of the edmond fitsgerald
    two: play crack the sky (not sure what its called?)

    the way youve put this together is good.
    your imagery is strong and you definately know where you want to take the reader through the piece which is good.

    i'd almost exchange the crucifix for an anchor because the crucifix seems out of place though i can see how, if youre holding on for dear life in the face of certain death, it does work.


    sorry... i dont know how to imbed videos on this site.

    good luck.
    | Posted on 2014-04-15 00:00:00 | by allapo1ogies | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautifully written. The poem reminds of Neruda's Sonnet 17. Except for the fact that the person decided to move on even though he/she loves the person. The use and play of words is great, the comparison of love to a sinking ship is refreshing. Great job! You are very good!
    | Posted on 2014-03-26 00:00:00 | by iya | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    You read free written by poetotoe
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Cover written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Records I written by Raphael




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]