[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: All of us are Hypocritesdots

    Author: TheAirWeBreathe
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 5/16/19
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 1331
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 736

       Bullying, sense of self, LGBT.
    I write this from the point of view of a counselor...
    At least as what I've seen.
    "I know what you're feeling,"
    "There is a pill to ease the pain"
    Nobody knows what another is going through.
    Drugging them up is not the answer.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll of us are Hypocritesdots

    Society is full of shit,
    All of us are hypocrites.
    They have no right to judge and lie,
    As I no right to even cry.
    Show no emotion,
    Show not your pain!
    Keep it all inside your brain.
    Until you rot straight to the core,
    Nobody has much love, my lord.
    No sympathy,
    No less judgemental,
    It's all getting
    Just watch her crack day by day.
    Just watch her take her life away.
    Just watch her shatter to the core.
    As we will never have love for her.
    Society is full of shit,
    But all of us are hypocrites.
    Even as her wirsts run red,
    You no longer share
    Her sense of dread.

    Submitted on 2014-04-14 22:49:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I don't even know what to say except for the fact that I agree with the general gist of your piece.
    Poetically, the rhyme scheme reinforces a kind of chant which I suppose alludes to the mechanical thinking process we are all slaves to, in society.
    I'm only confused by one little part!
    "No sympathy,
    No less judgemental,
    It's all getting
    Idk, this is just me, but I don't quite understand this part.
    Sentimental as in the people around the character in your poem are watching her crumble away? I'm not sure. If so, however, that would be a really clever example of hypocrisy, considering that the whole point of the poem illustrates that society can be quite uncaring.
    Clever little poem, not sure if that was intentional, but I seem to pick up little inherent hypocritical themes between the character and "society" in general.
    One little nitpick: you say this is from the point of view of the counselor? I didn't quite pick that part up, but once again, that's just how I was reading it! I read it as a sort of first person from the actual character in pain (e.g., As I no right to even cry.")
    All in all, a very passionate piece.
    | Posted on 2014-04-16 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]