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If I lost you


Author: Katrinagolden
ASL Info:    27/F/chicago
Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 228 /213 /53
Words: 110
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1004
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 664



Description:




If I lost you



If I lost you
Know any hope that was left in my life would instantly vanish
In the past I imagined it’d be easier for me to leave you behind
Instead of waiting for the inevitable day
The day when you realized who I truly am
When you became disenchanted

If you left me behind
The colors that paint my life would become basic
You bring in new horizons and hues into my world
A hollow would immediately be left behind
The sorrow from your departure would consume my heart entirely
If I lost you, I’m sure that I would survive
But I would no longer live




Submitted on 2014-04-19 12:33:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  The piece is vague and airy.... untouched even by the author. The pen touches the paper but the author does not want to commit themselves to the words. This sounds like a reluctant confession of emotions but an honest one. You seem to admit something that you don't often try to let the world see.

I really like the part "if I lost you, I'm sure I would survive"... this feels raw and honest, so matter of fact. It's like your facing something that scares you and still you at it without flinching. Whether this is something that you learned to do or a bout of courage who knows.

I agree with allanpo1ogies you could add more meat to this piece, it's missing that hook, that bit of personal detail, the undressing of your feelings...
| Posted on 2015-01-20 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
  the last two lines the essence of the piece.
if i lost you i would survive but i would no longer live.

what i want to know is who is this person and what is their connection to you?

is it a lover?
is it a mentor?
a grandparent?

the possibilities are endless.

i think if you are writing about a specific person maybe putting something more concrete in to weigh the piece down... to ground it and give it even more power... at the moment the feeling is there but there is disconnect for me because i am wondering who and what and why...

does that make sense?

i think we all have these moments where we fear people will see us as we see ourselves and leave us as a result and yet more often than not it is our view of ourselves that is warped and the risk of them leaving is more a projection of our fears than anything based on reality.

i hope there is no losing to be done.
| Posted on 2014-04-19 00:00:00 | by allapo1ogies | [ Reply to This ]


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