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    dots Submission Name: Finding parts of medots

    Author: PopRocksRae
    ASL Info:    21/ F/ Heaven
    Elite Ratio:    2.49 - 232/369/355
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 556


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    dotsFinding parts of medots

    I used to feel complete
    at one with myself.
    but now I fail to see
    what demons are in my hell.

    I used to laugh and dance
    holding on to childish dreams.
    but now I'm falling fast
    in between torn up seams.

    I want to find my home
    the reason I don't cry.
    the reason I stopped feeling.
    or caring if I'm alive.

    I want to find my voice.
    to find out what used to be.
    I will keep on fighting
    finding all these parts of me.

    Submitted on 2014-04-20 00:06:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I totally love this piece I felt the mood but based on the topic-..
    you could have made it longer using ur first line refrain all through and the third and fourth stanza could make another poem

    i used to feel complete
    at one with myself.
    but now I fail to see
    what: are in my hell.
    I used to laugh and dance
    holding on to childish dreams.
    but now I'm falling fast
    in between torn up seams.

    would really had loved it more if the I used to continued for long

    great piece
    | Posted on 2014-04-24 00:00:00 | by pensaint | [ Reply to This ]
      the periods youve inserted, while not entirely correct, make this piece feel just as fragmented as the voice suggests.

    i think life is all about gathering up these parts and piecing them together. its a journey.
    and the frustrating part of the journey is that the pieces morph over time so when you think youre looking for this youre actually looking for something else.

    i think its always so much easier to look back and wonder at how things have changed but our perspective is never that good. for example: i worship my father and every story i have to tell about him when i was a kid is a wonderful story about something or other and yet i fail to mention all the nights he forgot to come home from the pub and all the times i went to stay with him in thr weekends only to be staying with my step mother, who hated me, because dad was at work and then at the pub...
    i guess its the rose tinted glasses.

    dont be too hard on yourself.
    and while youre thinking about all the ways your life has changed for the worse try to capture something positive that has happened too...

    and on that note i will leave you with a link to a song... you should totally listen to it... on repeat if you have to... its long but totally worth it.


    | Posted on 2014-04-20 00:00:00 | by allapo1ogies | [ Reply to This ]

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