Bifurcation by expiring

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Submission Name: Bifurcation dots

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Author:	expiring_touch
ASL Info:	30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:	3.95 - 139/254/170
Words:	102

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	1247
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	620

Description:

Bifurcation dots

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On this night I sit
in the back alley of dreams, of two-some minds
in mid-spring bloom - right now
when we none of us can fail or care
to know the future.
I knew your face before, it sang
beneath the shades of unsung trees
etched on my life line –
eyes for embers and mouth for mirror
covered with black velvet.
I started like a bird this night, a cooling drift
across my midriff; and all that was,
was fair, we’ve come
full circle.

Submitted on 2014-04-23 20:55:25 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I think this is beautiful.
| Posted on 2014-04-30 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
I'm not sure if your following anything but an internal meter, of your own rhythm, but this reads very well from beginning to end on a technical level, it has really good form. What I like I suppose though is the content, bifurcation, almost like that two people used to be one, and are forever trying to become one body again, that old myth. My favourite thing though, is just the simplicity of your language, and I say that with no negative implications. Clarity of language may be a better word. Really though, this seems like a real poem to me. So much of the poems I read on here, are complex without saying anything, too universal without relaying anything consequential. This poem could be universal, and say a lot, in a few words. I guess it's just my personal taste, but I am enamoured with this poem. Great work.

I knew your face before, it sang
beneath the shades of unsung trees
etched on my life line –

This is poetry. For all happy viewers, notice how you don't need a dictionary to find out what the words mean, rather you need to think about what they actually mean in this instance. Also, how much of a pleasure that is. Writers can learn a lot from such poems. Too much is overwrought up here.
| Posted on 2014-04-27 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]

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198937

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.