Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Time Bombdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blankscreen
    ASL Info:    22/f/NY
    Elite Ratio:    5.57 - 222/196/163
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 728
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1284



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime Bombdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For years I’ve been in love with my own shadow
    Sometimes she stuttered so hard my ears would bleed
    Like she had difficulty swallowing
    The sounds of my disasters
    Like the
    Drip
    Drip
    Drip
    Of a time machine

    Because time is measured in broken hearts and skinned elbows
    It’s not the ticking of an atomic bomb

    The jagged reflections of our puzzle piece bodies
    Memories of melted shoelaces and dribbling exchanges
    As the sun burnt our fingertips in passion that pictures don’t do justice

    Like the time I waited for you to stop drinking
    So you could take me home
    And exercise your loose ideals inside me

    Like the time I held you close
    Hoping I could melt in to you
    Just a little tighter

    Like the time I told you it was over
    because I couldn’t explain the painful execution of aching numbness every time your eyes found mine

    Like the time I pretended to love you because I told myself I was a better actress than an optimist

    Like the time I buried my face so deep inside your chest that you asked me if I was drowning
    And I said yes.
    I hope so.




    Submitted on 2014-04-28 14:38:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty good. The closing third feels a bit laboured until the book slams shut. I applaud that.

    Rereading it, it is a book of highlights.
    | Posted on 2014-07-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Absolutely incredible. I'm literally reading this over and over trying to find expression to convey that will do it justice.
    What an amazing array or emotions. Stitched tightly and woven together in such a way it takes my breath.
    Hmm..so very much to say...let's start with

    Like she had difficulty swallowing
    The sounds of my disasters
    Like the
    Drip
    Drip
    Drip
    of a time machine


    Your shadow, the part projected out from light behind. Separate but oh so connected no matter how hard you try.
    The sound of a time machine...brilliant!!

    My favorite :

    because time is measured in broken hearts and skinned elbow's
    It's not the ticking of an atom bomb


    Holy mother of all that be, I almost started clapping!
    So true! Perfectly thirst quenching!
    nuff said

    as the sun burnt of fingertips in passion that pictures don't do justice

    I love photographs and looking back, always looking back, but this, well this is exquisite. You captured that intensity of young love bursting at the seams and nothing could ever truly show (in physical form) the volume in which it was or is within.

    and exercise your loose ideals inside me

    Umm...what can I say...poetically delicious

    because I couldn't explain the painful execution of aching numbness every time your eyes found mine

    Fine wine, to be sipped, savored and admired for the pure genius it is.

    For what does one say when what was once held so dear turns into some time so drastically different. It's like a movie you loved as a kid, remembering it in all it's glory for the time, then watching years later and thinking...really?!

    Meh...that is lame but it is an analogy.

    like the time I pretended loved you because I told myself I was a better actress then optimist

    Oi! Painted green by your pen...I can lately to this...more then I care to admit.

    The ending is the climax of all...

    I hope so

    As if it would be better that way.
    Brilliant

    I can not say enough. I am a minimalist but with this piece it would be a sacrifice to butcher this in any way!!!

    This was such a pleasure...thank you for sharing!

    Peace



    | Posted on 2014-05-16 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow.
    | Posted on 2014-05-04 00:00:00 | by MEGASWELL | [ Reply to This ]
      for some reason I see can Salvador Dali painting this relationship
    | Posted on 2014-04-29 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198946

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Records I written by Raphael
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Love written by saartha
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Fasade written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry