and he asked: -------------------------------------------
what do you do?
hmmmmm. well i
look at stars and dream about things that will never happen. drive by snowmen who know they will melt but don't seem to mind. smoke dope and write brilliant shit. (then realize it in no way resembles brilliance. so, i delete it). i talk to God. listen to birds. stoop sit just to ponder the complexity of the universe and what's in-between my coffee sips.
then: what do you want out of life?
i don't know.
live each day the best i can. see and absorb the little things. be full on a consistant basis. love and be loved while in good company. laugh more. cry less. find gratitude in the tiniest of mercies.
i'd really like to own a pair of brown cowboy boots with pink stitching. 'cause sometimes, i am just a girly-girl at heart.
Make the best of the reality at hand. I like the sheer straight forward honesty. Most would elaborate on how there're doing or what they want from life. I could not "tell it like it is" without being locked up. See, I live everyday to the best of my ability but as for the rest, most of the time I want to smoother the few close to me. Love them ? Yes, but there's something inside that screams and rants for solitude when I've been with them too long. I am too jammed packed of inspiration so trying to absorb and take in more makes me want to slice myself open to that something will come...of all this shit...I miss my voice. The one that let me express, in a "oh look at the pretty words" sorta way, what the fuck is going on in here.
I am loved and I do love...but I purge the filling up on it. It mostly just falls out the hole under my rib cage.
I don't laugh much, cry more but not a great deal.
I do find gratitude in the tiniest of mercies.
If it wasn't for my daughter (19 in one month and is at that "I don't want you" phase) I would not be here...period. I would have ran away as a teen. Been a groupie or prostitute, strung out on whatever I could get, gods know where. Yet I planned her, had her, raised her in the make believe fairy tale world we have in our heads from childhood but always showing her reality when need or appropriate. And it has been a blessing and a wild ride which I wouldn't change for anything. I think part of me just wanted something exterior that wasn't broken but it was the best decision ever on my part.
Seriously don't know what's happening to me, this time back at elite (I just can't seem to forget this place) I have been spilling my guts!!
I'ma gonna get blocked!!!
Sorry for the rambling.
I was so excited to see your name. Reading you journals was part of my everyday routine and loved it so. You still have that refreshing voice that just makes one relax and go ahhhhh. Ya know?