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    dots Submission Name: Seeing the Truthdots

    Author: ForgottenGraves
    ASL Info:    20, Male
    Elite Ratio:    0.46 - 5/116/131
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 833
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 379


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeeing the Truthdots

    It is you.
    The one.
    I've searched so long.
    Fought so hard.
    And in all reality.
    You were right in front of me all along.
    The one who...
    Who will lead me to victory.
    Guide me on the path of destruction.
    And help me end those who hurt me.
    The best part is...
    I was only looking for myself.

    Submitted on 2014-05-14 20:56:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Reconsider the punctuation, particularly the periods that make this reader feel like instead of a nice, cue-lights-and-fountain revelation, we're in that part of the movie where the Really. Terrible. student driver. is driving Really. Terribly. For punctuation in poetry is what air is to lungs - vital.

    And then there's the ending. High marks for taking risks and going for shock value/Shyamalan Effect, but stick with completing one thought before moving it along. I feel like you have more to say about this You and the smiting of enemies.
    | Posted on 2014-05-24 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      :) lol nice write
    | Posted on 2014-05-15 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]

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