Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Seeing the Truthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForgottenGraves
    ASL Info:    20, Male
    Elite Ratio:    0.41 - 5/110/127
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 778
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 379



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeeing the Truthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So.
    It is you.
    The one.
    I've searched so long.
    Fought so hard.
    And in all reality.
    You were right in front of me all along.
    The one who...
    Who will lead me to victory.
    Guide me on the path of destruction.
    And help me end those who hurt me.
    The best part is...
    I was only looking for myself.




    Submitted on 2014-05-14 20:56:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Reconsider the punctuation, particularly the periods that make this reader feel like instead of a nice, cue-lights-and-fountain revelation, we're in that part of the movie where the Really. Terrible. student driver. is driving Really. Terribly. For punctuation in poetry is what air is to lungs - vital.

    And then there's the ending. High marks for taking risks and going for shock value/Shyamalan Effect, but stick with completing one thought before moving it along. I feel like you have more to say about this You and the smiting of enemies.
    | Posted on 2014-05-24 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      :) lol nice write
    | Posted on 2014-05-15 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199004

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A bit of Pain written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry