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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: boogiebear99
    Elite Ratio:    0.57 - 1/2/1
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 403
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 751



    Description:
       sad songs for the depresed





    hope this can help


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmedots
    -------------------------------------------


    she only has one friend one friend she truely understands and its the razor blade she carrys in he han she only has one heart and it belongs to the hell shes been put through from the start no one knows that girl no one knows that girl like me she wears her braclets elbo high to covor all the memories and lies that hide she only wants to be normal but dosent even know what that word means no one knows that girl no one knows that girl like me she hides she prays she asks god why and no answers come her way shes lost shes alone and no one seems to care whats going on no one knows that girl no one knows that girl like me shes breaking and no one can see no one understands that girl no one understands that girl like me because im that girl




    Submitted on 2014-05-23 09:38:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oi! Sorry i did not see the song for the depressed first!
    Scratch all the other mumbo jumbo.
    | Posted on 2014-05-23 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      
    K first off, stuff like this scares me a bit.

    In your description you say

    hope this can help

    Are you asking for help ? With the struggle or with the lyrics ? Or are you saying releasing this from within might help?
    My thoughts are these.
    Personally, it has some great foundation, with a little structure it would have more of the impact for the depth of this subject. Couple small typos, second line:

    in her hands

    and the fifth covers

    (I see you are new to Elite so just in case you are not aware, there's a edit/delete button top right side of screen, if want to correct them that is)

    Other then that...this is so worth the effort of a little buffing!
    It tells of a wounded lonely soul looking for guidance and clarity.

    Thank you for sharing...hopefully this is just a reflection of the pain and not your literal state of being. Because if you truly are seeking help of any kind. There is a [pm] button beside my name. Click it, I don't bite and can be an ear if needed.

    Peace be with you...seek it

    Kelly

    ps

    Welcome to Elite


    | Posted on 2014-05-23 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


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