Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: boogiebear99
    Elite Ratio:    0.57 - 1/2/1
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 441
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 751



    Description:
       sad songs for the depresed





    hope this can help


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmedots
    -------------------------------------------


    she only has one friend one friend she truely understands and its the razor blade she carrys in he han she only has one heart and it belongs to the hell shes been put through from the start no one knows that girl no one knows that girl like me she wears her braclets elbo high to covor all the memories and lies that hide she only wants to be normal but dosent even know what that word means no one knows that girl no one knows that girl like me she hides she prays she asks god why and no answers come her way shes lost shes alone and no one seems to care whats going on no one knows that girl no one knows that girl like me shes breaking and no one can see no one understands that girl no one understands that girl like me because im that girl




    Submitted on 2014-05-23 09:38:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oi! Sorry i did not see the song for the depressed first!
    Scratch all the other mumbo jumbo.
    | Posted on 2014-05-23 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      
    K first off, stuff like this scares me a bit.

    In your description you say

    hope this can help

    Are you asking for help ? With the struggle or with the lyrics ? Or are you saying releasing this from within might help?
    My thoughts are these.
    Personally, it has some great foundation, with a little structure it would have more of the impact for the depth of this subject. Couple small typos, second line:

    in her hands

    and the fifth covers

    (I see you are new to Elite so just in case you are not aware, there's a edit/delete button top right side of screen, if want to correct them that is)

    Other then that...this is so worth the effort of a little buffing!
    It tells of a wounded lonely soul looking for guidance and clarity.

    Thank you for sharing...hopefully this is just a reflection of the pain and not your literal state of being. Because if you truly are seeking help of any kind. There is a [pm] button beside my name. Click it, I don't bite and can be an ear if needed.

    Peace be with you...seek it

    Kelly

    ps

    Welcome to Elite


    | Posted on 2014-05-23 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199051

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bond written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Linger written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    Push written by JanePlane
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry