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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Undoingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 136/243/154
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 534



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUndoingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Spring scented lights
    fill up the sky, spill over
    the roof into my glass --
    I’ve spilt myself all over
    the pavement, too,
    red wine and all, shy nods,
    and obscene swirls
    with a stranger. He tied
    red leather bracelets
    to my wrists
    before I disappeared
    back to the twilight.
    I’ve never realized
    how loud it can be -
    the strike of keys
    on the piano.
    Your hands
    along the
    seams,
    undoing




    Submitted on 2014-05-29 08:38:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this...

    the undoing.

    in ways, or i guess the way i read it, it's almost like a daydream.

    on the other hand, it feels like a fall and all the feelings that occur when this can happen. how the attention is drawn to you when you really don't want it. the shy nods and perhaps assistance.... like when someone stops to help you pull flying papers from the air 'cause you dropped a notebook kinda thing.....

    or.... it could be both. intertwined in some way.


    i love the opening here. really. as well as the line about spilling self. (that's great!)

    anyhoo... just some thoughts that come to mind.
    | Posted on 2014-06-03 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      the whole thing seems to be leaking down into a drain. The whirlpool at the end of a sink. The form mirrors that to a degree and but the bound state of the narator at odds with the undoing creates tension and the undoing of what is the question I suppose. There the reader may take their own interpretation. The poem is like taking off clothes but peeling back layers, it is working on an internal and a physical level. Is it an act of lovemaking? For certain it is an eventual release of tension. Perhaps there is also a retreat in the mid-section.

    I think you broke the lines very well through-out and I admire the use of punctuation.

    It is a sensuous poem with audio and visionary qualities, though there is little tangible matter throughout. (not a criticism, rather just that the meaning is sort of blending dreamily throughout which I like)

    Nice post anyhow. The title drew me in.
    | Posted on 2014-05-31 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah yes, If I could fashion an argument to mitigate the discrepancies in all of this situation, take it apart at the seams, maybe I could nimbus nimiety fashion a new garb for the people.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-05-29 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not going to unleash my over gushy internal response to this because it does nothing for the poem. But it would let you know, if i let it out, how absolutely spellbound in emotion this write is and this reader simply adores it.

    Perfect, in my eyes
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2014-05-29 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


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