Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Get outdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheAirWeBreathe
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 5/16/19
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 678
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 910



    Description:
       I don't really know >_>


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGet outdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just get out
    Out of my hair
    Out of my mind
    Out of my heart
    Out of everything you could see yourself
    All shattered by your fists of irresponsibility
    The shards show the reflection as well as a mirror painted over in black
    I want you
    Out of my hair
    Out of my mind
    Out of my heart
    And out of everything
    In that sharp breath
    You'll learn that every rose has a thorn as sharp a prick as the winter air
    And so
    I want you out of my hair
    I want you out of my mind
    I want you out my heart, soul, and cries
    Your blade has torn at my flesh
    And soon you'll know I've had enough .
    Because I've made sure to chase you
    Out of my hair
    Out of my mind
    Out of everything
    You'll find yourself.
    You'll never be...




    Submitted on 2014-06-02 12:58:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i read this and alanis morrissette starts playing in the background...

    im not sure if the constant repetition does your piece any favours but i do understand what you are trying to achieve. and i also know that sometimes we need to get repetitive so that people actually get the message... especially when its one as big as this...

    the cliff hanging ending which lends itself to another round or four of the get out is powerful though... as if the reader can continue the process youve begun and see it to the end...

    the thing is though you will wake one day and realise that this person/situation/series of memories no longer consumes you and then a bit later you will wake and not even remember it at all

    though every now and then it will pop into your mind and you will wonder a) how you ever got through it and b) how it was such a big deal at all and sometimes you will finish thinking about it/them with a smile and other times you will be somewhat shaken up by it but in a new different less consuming way...

    im going to stop now because i dont think ive made much sense...
    | Posted on 2014-06-15 00:00:00 | by allapo1ogies | [ Reply to This ]
      first thing that comes to mind is: Out, damned spot!

    but yes....

    get out!! get out!!! get out!!!!

    i think there are moments like this when that need is indeed pertinent. an absolute neccessity. when every part of you desires an absense.

    i know for myself, i've really wanted to lose memories (in every sense and for all of my senses). i swear, i woulda went for the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind kind of erasure, if it were available. and of course only knowing that history wouldn't repeat itself (which it often does, unfortunately).

    but yes...

    i can certaily relate.

    i do want to say though - that this too shall pass.

    and it does.
    promise.
    | Posted on 2014-06-03 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199101

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry