Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Archetype of Unbecomingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 75/182/217
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 992
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 587



    Description:
       A work in progress, I've been absent from poetry for quite sometime. Please feel free to comment or critique.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArchetype of Unbecomingdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Perhaps it was time to acquiesce a better truth.
    A monument to discord in a moment of chaos.
    Embolden the liars to remember who they are;
    implore the honorable to slay them upon a near and distant shore.
    Hold not the words that describe despair and the manacles of decay that twiddle innocents down to dust
    Grasp an ideal and strangle it;
    drain it of everything it is, was and will be.
    It will crumble into the sea;
    filling the world with tiny diamonds---
    ---glimpses of memories that can never be.





    Submitted on 2014-06-03 21:36:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      At this site, perhaps it's a compliment to say this isn't the worst bit of writing I have ever read.

    Whilst grappling a little bit with whether your tense presentation was sound I found by the end I had abandoned that internal argument and fallen in with your flow.

    I think that flow (here) to be particularly important....
    because in a poem (like this) it's easy to run off (and sound self-righteous) like the hound chasing the hare

    and follow pristine proclamation with pristine proclamation

    reaching for everything and as a result attaining nothing -

    but here- I find the endstopped nature of the phrasings makes them more accessible as the poem has built it, it's sort of like each line works as the component of a haiku and can be enjoyed as such

    so word complexities
    turn from someone trying to be impressive
    to simply being impressive.

    For me the star of the show was 'twiddle' and that use of 'twiddle' in the poem, to me it was the great equalizer in the poem because it made all else manageable and your last lines really resonate.
    | Posted on 2015-04-22 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I hate to be speaking of being an honorable liar but as a martial artist I must object, I fake right I strike left, I fake low I hit high, I have a right to this of in my own defense. Why do you think I should be slain? As for imaginations immaturities crumbling into the sea or whatever you meant by that comment on the ideal (or incorporeity's ideologies) I was going to argue that too until I read the last two lines. In they seriously tied up the loose ends for me.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-06-04 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199108

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    This written by Chelebel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Push written by JanePlane
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry