Description: A work in progress, I've been absent from poetry for quite sometime. Please feel free to comment or critique.
Archetype of Unbecoming -------------------------------------------
Perhaps it was time to acquiesce a better truth.
A monument to discord in a moment of chaos.
Embolden the liars to remember who they are;
implore the honorable to slay them upon a near and distant shore.
Hold not the words that describe despair and the manacles of decay that twiddle innocents down to dust
Grasp an ideal and strangle it;
drain it of everything it is, was and will be.
It will crumble into the sea;
filling the world with tiny diamonds---
---glimpses of memories that can never be.
At this site, perhaps it's a compliment to say this isn't the worst bit of writing I have ever read.
Whilst grappling a little bit with whether your tense presentation was sound I found by the end I had abandoned that internal argument and fallen in with your flow.
I think that flow (here) to be particularly important....
because in a poem (like this) it's easy to run off (and sound self-righteous) like the hound chasing the hare
and follow pristine proclamation with pristine proclamation
reaching for everything and as a result attaining nothing -
but here- I find the endstopped nature of the phrasings makes them more accessible as the poem has built it, it's sort of like each line works as the component of a haiku and can be enjoyed as such
so word complexities
turn from someone trying to be impressive
to simply being impressive.
For me the star of the show was 'twiddle' and that use of 'twiddle' in the poem, to me it was the great equalizer in the poem because it made all else manageable and your last lines really resonate.
I hate to be speaking of being an honorable liar but as a martial artist I must object, I fake right I strike left, I fake low I hit high, I have a right to this of in my own defense. Why do you think I should be slain? As for imaginations immaturities crumbling into the sea or whatever you meant by that comment on the ideal (or incorporeity's ideologies) I was going to argue that too until I read the last two lines. In they seriously tied up the loose ends for me.
Submission Name: Archetype of Unbecoming
