Description: Don't really care about things........
~Something is Wrong with Me~ -------------------------------------------
Somethings wrong with me
memories bind my body and I beg to be free
so I bang my head up against the wall
I just laugh at myself as I begin to fall
I haven't been myself as of late
Memories open up my mind I can't close the floodgate
My eyes are getting red from the lack of sleep
I only think about the past as I count my sheep
All I do is clench my teeth and try to relax
Yet everytime I start to fall I just plummet through the cracks
I keep Fallin
and nobodies here to save me
I see the Demons
they follow me down and crave me
I Shake them all
and ricochet off the wall
I leave a streak of blood, as I laugh while I fall
I think the falling won't quit
bottomless pit
I opened up my eyes and thats when I hit.....
{Something is Wrong with me}
I feel the heat today
I left my girlfriend in tears as I walked away
I didn't mean to make her cry
I can't stand the tears
she's my beautiful butterfly
I'll need her through the years
If you would just listen and stop yelling at me
I would carry your heart to a distant sea
but I'm running out of patience
changing stations
veering off of the road cause of gods other creations
still I need to know if we can make this work
All this bullshit you put me through turns me into a jerk
and if I am
then why don't you pick up and leave me
and if you do
I love you but you won't believe me
you love me too
how do I know it's true
piling up on all the lies just to put me through
dwelling inside my heart, and staying up in my head
sometimes I wanna kill you but I'll just cry instead
{Something is wrong with me}
ALL I wanted from you
is to believe in me and to help see me through
but you left me with a wound and a knife in the back
and then you locked my ambitions in you're cadillac
to me this family means everything
I continue on the road, I continue to sing
you're not helping me much but I'm not gonna quit
you not supporting me anymore doesn't mean shit
I'm on my own leaving you in the past
I don't even care if this life I live will last
yes I'm pain
and you won't offer anything to me
can I sustain
or wind up underneath the old tree
but I'm alive
waiting for my time to arrive
memories still waiting to take a dive
still losing the best girlfriend that I had
Still not getting help from my own real dad
(Something is Wrong with me)
It must be my fault
it must be something that's wrong with me........
throughout the whole begining i was wondering what memories are haunting him? what is he trying to run from...then as I read on it talks about this girl who seems to be everything to you only you don't show it to her...why is that? is it really that hard to say...baby i need you? baby you make me better?
why lie? why say it doesnt matter that she no longer supports you when it seems that its slowly killing you...?
and in the case that i'm all wrong and this was just a write you pulled outta nowhere and it's not personal then just never mind all the questions lol ;)
This actually sounds like something Linkin Park would rap/sing/whatever you call it do. This was good. You seem to have a lot of talent. A dark mind with a lot to let out. Keep venting. You have an interesting imagination.
I let villan go because I simply didn't like it for its forced rhyme scheme. But I couldn't pass this up without saying something, since I am afterall taking the time to read your work. This seems to ramble on like a Morrisey song. Some may call that a good thing, but even for a hip hop song this would be too inconsistant to work well together. Normally i'm not one to complain from a writer traveling around in the piece too much, but here that gripe is ripened. Its not any kind of subject change that made me dizzy, it was just the overemphasis in certain areas...words said were > than words needed. Insomnia due to a woman whose a pain in the ass should be taken more directly, and not tainted with forced rhyming.
well SKillz looks like it ain't just you...this poem as much as I hate to say it was good. I remember all the [censored] you're writing about, I remember all the [censored] you went through with your ex and I remember the drama with dad. He didn't give either one of us attention, but it's okay, look where we're at now. We're coming up in the world bro and that's all that counts...say is this to that beat Swill hooked you up with?
ya this was long but i liked how you whent from a feeling of total despair to having a little hope left for life. so it was well worth reading. and on the fact of the girl. it sounds like she put you throw some [censored] to so un-like every one else... if both of you keep hurting each other then may be the best thing to do is let her go. at least for a little while, and then try to work things out. any ways this was a very good poem with a lot of deep emotions. i liked it alot. i think my favorit part was the opening. but all of it was great. cant wait to read more
you were very honest in this poem.i could feel your emotion in this.even though it is really long(!)people can say, "wow, im not the only one felling this way."But i think not all of it is something wrong with just you...its the world and everyone in it are to blame!
Hm - sounds like depression precipitated by a rocky relationship - the best kind. My advice for the poem is a grammer, spell, and rhythm check. My advice for the situation is to stop taking no for an answer - I hate to say things like this, but sometimes strong enough feelings are justification for otherwise odd behavior - note the world might not agree. If you insists on lying, stubbornly cling to the truth that invalidates her lies - if she wants you to leave, insist on staying right the [censored] there - trust me, that feeling you have for her isnt as easy to duplicate as you might thing - provided i'm reading it right of course. shard
Tell her she's your beautiful butterfly! That might be all she needs to hear to really be able to want to help you. As for me helping you on this poem, I think it's great. So very real and I can feel your emotion, eating you up inside, your struggles. I know this isn't a place for advice, but I really hope you start to care about things. You have to start with caring about yourself though. Don't think everything is a problem with YOU, just understand that it's a problem. Ok I'm not a phychiatrist, just trying to help. Beautiful work, gets kinda... different towards the end, just doesn't seem to fit with the vibe of the rest of the poem, but maybe that's just me. I really liked it.
Very passionate. Though it seemed like a basic blur of thoughts, of a man who seemed fed up of his world, and didn't seem to find someone to concieve his predicament...but still, I understood it quite well. The blur of thoughts was clear as the sky, and i can feel the man speaking there. It the same here..only i'm younger (by a lot, trust me)...and I am a girl.
Submission Name: ~Something is Wrong with Me~
