i wrote you a letter explaining my fear;
i didn’t want to hurt you more than i already had.
you begged me to tell you about my pain,
so that you could help me heal from the past.
i poured out my heart, i told you my fears,
i was utterly exposed and felt ugly.
you assured me of your love;
you promised you’d always be there.
you asked me to marry you while we were still young.
i gladly accepted your hand.
what i did not know is your promise of forever
was nothing more than a fleeting glance.
as we entered our sophomore year,
our secret engagement began.
the few who knew mocked us,
insisting we were too young.
i had not a care in the world;
i knew i would be with you soon.
once we graduated, we would run away.
our lives would be nothing without each other.
my sixth sense kicked in, the way it did
the year my grandmother died.
i told you my fears of impending doom;
you promised to protect me from all pain and harm.
i called you that saturday, as i always did;
i wished you a good day at work.
that first voicemail was followed by many,
as you disappeared from the earth.
i called, i emailed, i facebooked;
i did not get anything out of you.
i thought you had died, i thought all the worst;
but the worst was yet to come.
you facebooked my best friend and posted on her wall;
“i’m really worried about her” you wrote.
i lashed out, angry, unbelieving;
if you were so worried, why didn’t you call???
your response came to me through facebook again;
“don’t you ever read your email?”
i had been frantically emailing you for three weeks!
where were you?
that was when i saw it.
you were leaving. i was the bitch.
i needed to grow up.
over an email??? seriously???
i was angry. i was depressed.
why would you do this?
i wanted nothing more than to die.
i tried to end it. many times.
years have passed, and i still think of you.
you nearly ended my life by your actions.
without you, i am the mother of two,
and i wouldn’t trade them for anything.
i do miss you, and think of you often.
i doubt you think of me.
i called you once, just to talk.
you never answered; your loss.
i am doing great today.
better than i ever have.
you threw this away, calling me trash.
i have never shone brighter than since you left.