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    dots Submission Name: objective observationsdots

    Author: isabella
    Elite Ratio:    5.56 - 803/905/472
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 633


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    dotsobjective observationsdots

    he sinks into himself
    against mirrored glass
    against soon-to-turn reflective leaves
    as if they alone
    could shade the depth of his thoughts
    conceal the loneliness
    that quietly seeps from his hands
    i wonder as i consider him
    if my curiosity seems
    or if my own flighty thoughts
    are frivolous
    as they intertwine
    with casual notes
    of cigarette smoke

    he sighs
    and in one long breath
    abandons the day

    but i do not join him

    Submitted on 2014-06-18 07:17:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Floating on the quiet river... I envy your daily view as much as I envy your words.
    | Posted on 2014-06-22 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      The whole poem is just gradually slipping away and the only strong word is condescension, off-set by the absence of capitilisation throughout. There's something futile and sad here. It reminds me of my Dad, who is drinking and smoking himself into the grave. I go over and we talk and play some guitar but every morning he's getting sick into the sink, it's his chest. Anyway, we just don't talk about it.

    I don't want to limit the meaning of your poem, but there is definitely something being lost and slipping through fingers as you say. I also thought of the Neverending story, with the rock-eater who is all washed up at the end of the movie, having watched all his friends slip through his fingers. That was probably just chance though. Your style is usually brighter, so I make these other leaps. At heart though this is starker than usual and ends on such a full stop even though there is none. The lines are drawn in that last sentence.

    Overall it's a very good poem. I think it probably captures whatever you were trying to capture, especially with the passing language employed to give it that drained out feeling.
    | Posted on 2014-06-21 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]
      pfft..Ha! Someone called you a weirdo Yo! Weirdoxoyodeling(smiles).


    Wonderment and curiosity of it all and those moments of clarity...realizations settle and or drift...smoke rings dispersing with the whys...how's and whatever's leaving only the moment.

    Just my reflected thoughts on yours...
    | Posted on 2014-06-19 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      i guess i've been that guy before. abandon the day. i've done that. never turns out right, just makes it harder to join the next. i'm trying the embrace thing. for the record you've never come across as condescending. that's a great quality. but anywho. ever try vaping? good replacement for the smokes. don't know if you smoke but for some reason i think you do.
    | Posted on 2014-06-18 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
    | Posted on 2014-06-18 00:00:00 | by slingerofink | [ Reply to This ]

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