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    dots Submission Name: Kissing Kabukidots

    Author: Kael Fenshir
    ASL Info:    26 / M / That weird place
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 17/57/52
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 422


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    dotsKissing Kabukidots

    I kept the gun like Chekhov said
    One that nicely kisses my head
    Sound asleep we mask our dreams
    Kabuki shows and elephants sneeze
    A single shack in the middle of the woods
    Carefree, young, and looking not too good
    This life is all I've got
    Nothing else, all but naught
    Just trot along my little bird
    There's nothing here but death and birth

    Submitted on 2014-07-15 02:13:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I keep feeling like the voice of the poem is a modern, more emo version, of Poe. I want that bird to be screeching "Nevermore!" at the window pane. (But that is a copyrighted idea...) This is my final comment I think and I'm glad it was to you Kael. The poem is a concise little piece that should be picked up by Tim Burton. The first verse is stronger than the first. But the imagery of the second is what makes the gloomy mood. Take care.
    | Posted on 2014-09-29 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. A little disturbing. That's good. The Rhyme "not" and "naught" seems a little forced, but it works, so that's okay. I particularly like the line beginning "Carefree".
    Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2014-08-04 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      ...did Chekhov care for firearms
    or bumps that led to car alarms
    shrieking automotive terror
    at the shopping cart's cruel error?

    I think not (though I've thought less)
    about this herculean mess
    that twists our plots like knotted skin
    where all our favorite games begin...

    Just my thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2014-07-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
       I love the title. And that first line is so good. In a weird way it's almost like a non-sense poem. (To me that is the appeal.) It is like a nursery rhyme gone bad. But I like that too. It is dreamy like a puff of smoke with a rhythm to it.

    Anyhoo.... that is my wacky take. Just wanted to say it was enjoyable either way.
    | Posted on 2014-07-15 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

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