[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Kissing Kabukidots

    Author: Kael Fenshir
    ASL Info:    26 / M / That weird place
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 17/57/52
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 422


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKissing Kabukidots

    I kept the gun like Chekhov said
    One that nicely kisses my head
    Sound asleep we mask our dreams
    Kabuki shows and elephants sneeze
    A single shack in the middle of the woods
    Carefree, young, and looking not too good
    This life is all I've got
    Nothing else, all but naught
    Just trot along my little bird
    There's nothing here but death and birth

    Submitted on 2014-07-15 02:13:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I keep feeling like the voice of the poem is a modern, more emo version, of Poe. I want that bird to be screeching "Nevermore!" at the window pane. (But that is a copyrighted idea...) This is my final comment I think and I'm glad it was to you Kael. The poem is a concise little piece that should be picked up by Tim Burton. The first verse is stronger than the first. But the imagery of the second is what makes the gloomy mood. Take care.
    | Posted on 2014-09-29 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. A little disturbing. That's good. The Rhyme "not" and "naught" seems a little forced, but it works, so that's okay. I particularly like the line beginning "Carefree".
    Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2014-08-04 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      ...did Chekhov care for firearms
    or bumps that led to car alarms
    shrieking automotive terror
    at the shopping cart's cruel error?

    I think not (though I've thought less)
    about this herculean mess
    that twists our plots like knotted skin
    where all our favorite games begin...

    Just my thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2014-07-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
       I love the title. And that first line is so good. In a weird way it's almost like a non-sense poem. (To me that is the appeal.) It is like a nursery rhyme gone bad. But I like that too. It is dreamy like a puff of smoke with a rhythm to it.

    Anyhoo.... that is my wacky take. Just wanted to say it was enjoyable either way.
    | Posted on 2014-07-15 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Linger written by saartha
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Bond written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Every..... written by jackz
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fasade written by jackz
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]