[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Kissing Kabukidots

    Author: Kael Fenshir
    ASL Info:    26 / M / That weird place
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 17/57/52
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 422


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKissing Kabukidots

    I kept the gun like Chekhov said
    One that nicely kisses my head
    Sound asleep we mask our dreams
    Kabuki shows and elephants sneeze
    A single shack in the middle of the woods
    Carefree, young, and looking not too good
    This life is all I've got
    Nothing else, all but naught
    Just trot along my little bird
    There's nothing here but death and birth

    Submitted on 2014-07-15 02:13:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I keep feeling like the voice of the poem is a modern, more emo version, of Poe. I want that bird to be screeching "Nevermore!" at the window pane. (But that is a copyrighted idea...) This is my final comment I think and I'm glad it was to you Kael. The poem is a concise little piece that should be picked up by Tim Burton. The first verse is stronger than the first. But the imagery of the second is what makes the gloomy mood. Take care.
    | Posted on 2014-09-29 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. A little disturbing. That's good. The Rhyme "not" and "naught" seems a little forced, but it works, so that's okay. I particularly like the line beginning "Carefree".
    Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2014-08-04 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      ...did Chekhov care for firearms
    or bumps that led to car alarms
    shrieking automotive terror
    at the shopping cart's cruel error?

    I think not (though I've thought less)
    about this herculean mess
    that twists our plots like knotted skin
    where all our favorite games begin...

    Just my thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2014-07-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
       I love the title. And that first line is so good. In a weird way it's almost like a non-sense poem. (To me that is the appeal.) It is like a nursery rhyme gone bad. But I like that too. It is dreamy like a puff of smoke with a rhythm to it.

    Anyhoo.... that is my wacky take. Just wanted to say it was enjoyable either way.
    | Posted on 2014-07-15 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Etiquette written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]