Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

I will Wait


Author: pensaint
Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 2 /2 /2
Words: 205
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1017
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1289



Description:




I will Wait




Like dry season waiting for rain,
Like the pregnant woman waiting for the pain,
I will wait for you!

Like the polish waiting for the brush,
I will not give in to any crush,
Even if time be less or time be much,

I will wait for you,
As the coffin waiteth the dead,
I will lay in the comfort of my bed,
Forging poems creating visionaries
Of how I will wait for you!

The circle will not change,
Heartbreak upon tears,
Even if the world with age,

Tag me strange,
I will wait for you,

I will settle not for leah,
I will not give into jezebel,
I will have no romance with Delilah,
I will wait the years for my Rachel

Young love be sweet and Tasty,
Ladies may all be beauty and pretty,
But I can't have all,
Thus I will wait,

I will be praying for you,
Hoping you will be praying for me,
Even Haven't met you,
Let me assure you I will wait,

I will sit with my loneliness,
Make love with the Emptiness,
I will make me great,
While I wait for you.



© Egharevba Terry




Submitted on 2014-08-06 13:17:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I appreciate your perspective! I did enjoy the visual aspects in your writing. They were very characteristic to what you were trying to convey.
I thought it interesting how you characterized woman from the Bible. However, Leah was the one who waited for the love of a husband she would never have. She was the more virtuous woman between her and her sister Rachael. So, though you wait I found it interesting you'd ruled out a woman who is more praised through Biblical teachings for the woman who was simply more beautiful. I am not judging, though just found it an interesting perspective. I thought the first line might need a slight change, "Like a dry season waits for rain," or "Like dry seasons wait for rain." Just a suggestion.
Thank You for your writing!
| Posted on 2014-08-16 00:00:00 | by MaeLing | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes, wait. It's fruitful to wait sometimes. It's for you to know if it is or not. Wait hopelessly for that makes it easier. You hope for not yourself but the other, even as the pregnant one's hope is for the child. I'm not being idealistic, waiting will cause heartbreak for sure. Writing is to remedy that.
Liked the opening and closing images most. Could have perhaps been more concise to be consistent. Again, for you to know.
| Posted on 2014-08-07 00:00:00 | by Snow9 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



199417