and maybe thereâ€™s more than a little
lump in my throat, and one too many
glasses of wine â€“ rocking red
chair with a phantom of you, a year
older, yeah, book in hand, stained
with the perfectly brewed cup of tea,
quite unique up there with the rest of them:
the moon and the stars, et in arcadia ego,
these summer evenings
suspended in mid-air,
as the lanky grey-haired autumn
| I like snippets of things. Sometimes it's just little moments and that's all that's necessary. So the beginning in media res I really enjoy. Everything that's gone before I feel is felt in the moment you painted. We can judge the length of the sword by how it pierces. |
The almost-inappropriate "yeah" that changes the tone from something that could have gone maudlin to something more casual and less self-concerned. It's an interesting choice and it's yours to make - I'll go with it.
The only thing I'd ay as far as criticism is "quite unique up there with the rest of them." Just didn't fit with the rest for me. Didn't have the same purposeful efficiency that the rest of your words have.
|| Posted on 2014-11-11 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ] || I was looking through things on the internet- searching for some (knowledgeable) entertainment. Clearly, I was in for some reading, so logged on and decided to find a few pieces to check out.|
Daniel's favorite-list is a gold mine.
This was the first thing, and honestly...damn. I can see exactly why it's something to note.
The random ',yeah,' in the 5th line sorta threw me off, sure, but it felt more like - "Hey, this could be a song."
So, all in all, it came together in my head.
I don't know, I guess I'm a masochist (or sadist; depending on how you look at it) because, really, this was one hell of a read.
A thousand thanks for sharing.
|| Posted on 2014-10-08 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ] || I have always kind of liked this poem, it is quite brief|
And keeps the reader at a distance- like looking at a private moment and seeing the narrator a bit busted up; there are nice contrasts in this like the emotion and alcohol
and how that can catch up or sneak up on someone sitting down maybe indulging in one or two vices, thats a great contrast to the art and or precision of making a cup of tea...
and the way you take it away to the stars
like sometimes the way it is when a person left it is the way it always is.....
And the symbolism and the personification through the seasons, its sad and i thought this was nicely done.
So much going on here in this poem that, truly, i would like to know more, so i think this was greatly written.
Anyhow, just wanted to say that.
|| Posted on 2014-10-01 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ] |