Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Snowy Tumultdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: isselman2001
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 37/47/46
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 812
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1008



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Snowy Tumultdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A snowy tumult on a snowy hill:
    Some giddy children playing by the rill
    A hawk extends its reaches far and wide
    And swoons into a headlong downward glide

    A red car turns and slushes round the pike
    A postman takes his taxing uphill hike
    A dark gray wall on the horizon looms
    Engulfing a quartet of red balloons

    The midday trudge brings forth the rainy tide
    And kids are busy staying dry inside
    Buried in books and huddled by the flame
    Or watching rain batter their windowpane

    The lampposts flicker on the evening sludge
    Pleading and begging Father Time to budge
    The lazy evening winds away with ease
    The rain fades quietly through glistening trees

    The muffled sounds are sweet, the night grows bright
    The curtains fall to drown the gloom of night
    The helpful hawk sits on the roof all night
    And in the silvery moonlight takes its flight




    Submitted on 2014-09-10 16:20:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the read- the vibes, but I've gotta admit that a couple words here and there felt almost unnecessary to me. 'Helpful hawk', 'lazy evening'; just those. Also, I'd appreciate it if you could explain the term you used; 'Father Time'? I understand every writer has their own intuition, but I felt a little lost with that bit.
    However, as I said, the rest- besides my few selfish complaints- is absolutely captivating. The picture you give only fuels the reader's interest in the children's stories...or even the post-dude's story!
    Adored it, thanks.
    | Posted on 2014-09-27 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      Swoops? Play? This is a nice picture story that reads a little uneven as far as the rhythm goes. Sometimes less is more in this game, otherwise it makes the reader work for it. Make it flow, make it flow...
    | Posted on 2014-09-11 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199517

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Genesis written by saartha
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    ME written by jjd
    Stretto written by saartha
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry