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    dots Submission Name: Perfectdots

    Author: EL
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 272/189/52
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 701
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 320


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Deceptive, enticing eyes staring back at me
    I'm captivated by your lying truths
    A false sense of security as I lay wrapped in your arms
    Your perfect, this is perfect
    This feeling swarming inside, I cannot begin to explain it
    It all felt so right I knew it had to be wrong

    Submitted on 2014-09-16 21:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A really good thought here and how I wish you played with this a bit more. I felt this way before, aren't we sometimes get used to the bad things that we could not appreciate something that could be genuine? I really enjoyed this..

    | Posted on 2014-10-09 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      Insecure and wavering feeling about something to be too good to be true. We all feel this way sometimes. A good thought to be penned down.
    | Posted on 2014-09-21 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey EL, This feeling you are exploring is not unfamiliar. kind of like if it feels too good to be true it probably is.
    You might want to review your use of tense ie 'lay wrapped' should be 'lie wrapped', and perhaps the last line should also be in the present tense to coincide with the rest. One other little thing: 'your' should be 'you're'. Sorry to be a such nit-picker but I do think tense and grammar are vital in a poem, or any write.
    cheers, C
    | Posted on 2014-09-18 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]

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