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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Longing
    Total Views: 1584
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You rest on a leaf
    Untouched
    A precious, subtle thing
    Like a baby sleeping
    The wind respects the dignity
    Of your slow breaths
    From a long day of work
    On top of traffic woe
    I left you there
    On a fertile soil
    Where I am rooted
    You rest
    I wait for you to fall.




    Submitted on 2014-09-17 09:46:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm the same as Bruce on this, something about this piece has me deeply interested. It feels to me very unclear like you are confused and hurt, waiting for something to happy. That may be the intention it may be not.

    I also feel it could be longer it sounds like it would make a very good monologue.

    Maybe bear that it mind for your next venture

    Dx
    | Posted on 2014-09-27 00:00:00 | by draconus | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not exactly sure why but I just love this. Almost like a bountiful harvest about to bring fruition this companion about to fall.

    PS: I think you need an s at the end of respect, line five.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-09-17 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


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