Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Longing
    Total Views: 1619
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You rest on a leaf
    Untouched
    A precious, subtle thing
    Like a baby sleeping
    The wind respects the dignity
    Of your slow breaths
    From a long day of work
    On top of traffic woe
    I left you there
    On a fertile soil
    Where I am rooted
    You rest
    I wait for you to fall.




    Submitted on 2014-09-17 09:46:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm the same as Bruce on this, something about this piece has me deeply interested. It feels to me very unclear like you are confused and hurt, waiting for something to happy. That may be the intention it may be not.

    I also feel it could be longer it sounds like it would make a very good monologue.

    Maybe bear that it mind for your next venture

    Dx
    | Posted on 2014-09-27 00:00:00 | by draconus | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not exactly sure why but I just love this. Almost like a bountiful harvest about to bring fruition this companion about to fall.

    PS: I think you need an s at the end of respect, line five.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-09-17 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199530

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Incubus written by monad
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry