Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Longing
    Total Views: 1542
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You rest on a leaf
    Untouched
    A precious, subtle thing
    Like a baby sleeping
    The wind respects the dignity
    Of your slow breaths
    From a long day of work
    On top of traffic woe
    I left you there
    On a fertile soil
    Where I am rooted
    You rest
    I wait for you to fall.




    Submitted on 2014-09-17 09:46:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm the same as Bruce on this, something about this piece has me deeply interested. It feels to me very unclear like you are confused and hurt, waiting for something to happy. That may be the intention it may be not.

    I also feel it could be longer it sounds like it would make a very good monologue.

    Maybe bear that it mind for your next venture

    Dx
    | Posted on 2014-09-27 00:00:00 | by draconus | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not exactly sure why but I just love this. Almost like a bountiful harvest about to bring fruition this companion about to fall.

    PS: I think you need an s at the end of respect, line five.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-09-17 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199530

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    To written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Incubus written by monad
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Promise written by annie0888
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry