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    dots Submission Name: What I Wrote while Bored During Math Classdots

    Author: dancer-of-words
    ASL Info:    21/trans/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 167/158/74
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 781
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 805

       This was written around 11 am in the morning.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat I Wrote while Bored During Math Classdots

    The moon is clear and bright
    upon this velvet night.
    The silver stars
    sing songs of wars
    and glow beyond it's light.

    It's curving silver arc
    gives off light silver-stark.
    Upon the ground
    the silvery sound;
    bugs singing in the dark.

    The air is warm and sweet,
    it permeates the street.
    O'er garden walls
    it gently falls
    in velvet summer heat.

    The ferns are tightly curled,
    the map of stars unfurled.
    Beyond the dark
    in sunlight stark
    dawn hides behind the world.

    One long, eternal night
    not black, yet neither bright
    though garid day
    may briefly stay
    to break it's long respite.

    Submitted on 2014-09-21 20:15:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Our friend here, el Blue Monk, is absolutely right. The possessive form of the word is in fact its and not it's which is a contraction of it is/it has. Perhaps one set of homonyms for which the confusion is justified (given that nearly/all other possessives incorporate the apostrophe S).

    He's also correct in saying there are some good lines in this poem, although I would say there's also a good lot for rimes. By no means is this criticism, but if you'd like to improve your process, I would suggest you re-apply the first step you took in writing this lovely piece to the poem again, and maybe even a third time.

    Think of it as a good game of minesweeper: Generally, no move will uncover as much of the map as your first one. But the beauty of the game comes into play after that.

    Another way of looking at it, as an old friend of mine used to put it, is like trimming a bush, or a tree. The first few are large and brusque, to find your initial shape/form. After that, you trim smaller and smaller, until eventually you're knee-bent, scissors in hand, prying that last leaf from its twig of a branch.

    I often find my brain becomes meticulously obsessed with specific words over a certain span of time sort of like a mood. And like moods, at different points in my day I'll superficially change my vernacular. Throughout the week, the same is true, and month by month. I think the monthly changes can be combined for optimal creation, because once you hit the yearly point, the gulf becomes almost too great, and your words begin to re-create, rather than add.

    Combining moods can add flavour, richness, and content to your work. Like a well made cappuccino can sweeten the bitter overtones of an unripe espresso.

    The words I've been obsessed with lately, for example, are ambulate (or more accurately vicambulate, for lack of usability), antiquate, hadron (I study physics, so this is more of a habitual offender), moribund, rapacity, boon, duff, and inveigle. You'll notice the first three share a common phoneme; often times this is how I'll learn new words, by obsessing over how they sound in my mouth.

    En tout cas.
    | Posted on 2014-10-16 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice! I wonder if you really mean "it's" or "its". There are some very smart lines in this one, quite worthy. I'd guess you are bored in Math class because it is all so easy?
    | Posted on 2014-09-30 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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