Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Born Lastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Narna
    Elite Ratio:    1.74 - 14/102/69
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1229
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBorn Lastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Toddlers wander the streets.
    Feet that should be sleeping, kept weak.
    Moving to the beat of a war torn reality.
    Beggar mentality;
    palms up, eyes down, smiles wide.
    They take it in their stride.

    How would I react on the
    other side?

    Parents push prepubescent,
    puppy eyed children in to the tourism line.
    Abusing their innocence for sustenance, and
    acceptance for a working life.
    I'm almost obliged to buy.
    Sell my time to feel worthy to carry their
    strife.

    I wish I could take them with me,
    show them a better time.
    I'm also not sure they'd enjoy it,
    I think they'd giggle if I tried.




    Submitted on 2014-10-05 16:48:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very thought -provoking and timely. I have one teeny nit though--
    "puppy-dog eyed children --I think I would drop the "dog" not only redundant but seems to be off rhythm with the extra syllabe---maybe jez me though Thanks for sharing
    Silver
    | Posted on 2014-10-06 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199569

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry