[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Between the Sun and the Skydots

    Author: Carosuel
    ASL Info:    26/F/Twirlwind
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 96/73/28
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 840

       We are fine.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween the Sun and the Skydots

    The soil soaks it in
    dehydrated, greedily.
    The dirty droplets endure.
    They pearl--slate and ashen--
    and sing, nimbly, moving sure.
    Through rotting leaves
    and an earthly brazen smell,
    they carry on, absentmindedly,
    washing a broken spider out.
    And with it, bits of me:
    a lung, an eye, a soul, a mouth.

    And you smile, so infrequently,
    and you smile behind clouds.
    I hunger and hide with the vapor
    in a ghostly, ageing shroud.
    In a silent, compliant suspension
    between my roots and my roof.
    Handcrafted in carelessness,
    in love and lies and truth,
    with warmth and your smiles
    and tendrils of your incandescent youth.
    Confining and embracing me,
    reassured, airy, and diffused.

    Submitted on 2014-10-22 22:10:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very creative write, for although it can be interpreted as darkness it can also be the light of love. As I contemplated the line about taking eyes, lung, soul, and mouth, I realized love does that two. It takes our eyes so we see only beauty, seizes lungs until we cant breath, part of the soul forever, and our mouth to paralyzed to speak. So despite the dark images the smile and touch say everything is okay. This is just my take but I thought this one deserbed some comment.
    | Posted on 2015-04-12 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I really like this. I felt like it just flowed through me while I read it.
    | Posted on 2014-10-23 00:00:00 | by irrelevantme | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Bond written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    the living moment written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]