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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Octoberdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 921
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 503



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOctoberdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I sail along these edges immortality
    It’s in
    extension of the legs, knees maybe, too,
    their curvature derivative of muscle

    void

    whoever said leaves autumn silently
    so falling?
    no, rather, crash
    insistent of a suicide.

    the wickers burn, stale smoke trails off
    the ground, damp, rich smell of
    rot

    and ever

    chill air smoothes itself into my skin.






    Submitted on 2014-10-28 09:42:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      October – One of my favorite months here in New England, and your poem somehow captures the same feeling of continuity, as leaves fall ,decay, and bring about a new growth season. And for those of us who love their colorful beauty in autumn, you’ve portrayed the sense of loss as they fall.
    I do have some questions;
    In S1 L1 did you mean to say “immortal’?
    In S3 L1 I think you should say “who” not “whoever.” And in L3 shouldn’t it be “crashing” to match tense with “falling”?
    Also in S5 shouldn’t it be “every”?
    Now I don’t know what autumn is like in Singapore, but when I read this, to me, it was autumn in New England. Of course there are no Wicker plants here, but otherwise I could have looked out my window and seen what you’ve described –Beautifully.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2014-11-01 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]


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