Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fruits of the Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheAirWeBreathe
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 5/16/19
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 709
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 460



    Description:
       I'm back after a somewhat of a hiatus! I posted a slightly different version of this poem on social media. This is just a little something that popped into my mind, and I wrote it down. So, let me translate. "There's no way to prevent not know, but if I knew everything, I suppose I'd be unhappy. There's no way to keep your heart from aching, but if I could I would be even worse off"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFruits of the Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's no cure for stupidity
    No vaccine for ignorance
    But if I were to live in this world omniscient
    I would wish to know how to prevent my existence
    There's no medicine to expel love
    There's no surgical procedure to keep away the pain it brings
    But instead if I were to live in this world only shaking in my self-contained cold and the rain
    ...what more a pain it'd be to endure.




    Submitted on 2014-11-04 13:38:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Like I always say 'when God gave us free will he gave up his rights to omniscience'. It is to be hoped that he wants to love us. Further if this God does not yet exist if he could be said to have become due to. Of we must love each other.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-12-05 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your write. It's one of those things you never read ... one rarely stumbles across intensity ... I found this particularly interesting:
    "There's no way to prevent not know, but if I knew everything, I suppose I'd be unhappy"
    I guess that everyone can relate to those feeling. It's like saying that perfection is so boring and pointless.
    Maybe you could have included those lines within your piece.

    Another line that I found most intriguing was:

    "But if I were to live in this world only shaking in the cold" it seems as though there is more to it than meets the eye ... it reminded me of a dream I had a few months ago and a tacky write that was yielded there and then.

    As for critiques, I would say that line 7 sounds a slightly cheesy ... I've been there though ....the agony of uncertainty, the frustration of just wondering whether you could have done things differently and the gut-wrenching what -ifs..... How I loathe them.

    As for the ending I was left with the feeling that something sharper could have been said or written come to that. I believe that having ended with something similar to the penultimate line would have been more striking. My own take on it though. You don't have to pay much attention to what I've said. In the end you might not be interested in getting these type of comments anyway....

    Hope you have a nice day.
    Ethan Brody
    | Posted on 2014-11-09 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199629

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Push written by JanePlane
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry