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    dots Submission Name: Our Ladydots

    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/55
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 830


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    dotsOur Ladydots

    She sits on a window by the bay
    A silhouette of the woman she was
    She pulls at her fingernails
    (they're rotting from neglect)
    And stares at the man she thinks she loves

    His cheekbones are round and red from passion
    His eyes swirl and flutter with the air
    He holds her hand tight
    (while enchanted by his temptress)
    And whispers silent words of might care

    Our lady can see the many faces
    All mourning a loss she cannot know
    She holds tightly to his hand
    (and fancies his love)
    And silently vows to let go

    But our lady still sits on the window
    She doesn't believe herself strong
    So she holds tightly his hand
    (and fancies his love)
    And deceitfully vows for not long

    Submitted on 2014-11-30 20:47:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of a neighborhood ghost from my childhood. Tragically watching but not part of the scene, but part of the emotion of those around and unaware.
    But it also seems more real than that to me. It's the sadness of knowing that this one doesn't love as deeply as you. The window metaphor helps to create at distance and perspective. It's the stepping back of soul searching that creates a sad but melancholy mood. Its the knowing its got to change but not being ready for it.
    I really liked this as an overall write. The flow and imagery work well.
    | Posted on 2014-12-18 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      I did like the imagery of the lady sitting at the window. Like a lady in her most natural state, in love. Still the insecurity or doubt that flows in and out of this piece paints a true portrait of the reality of that love.

    (they're rotting from neglect)

    I think this best describes the root of the problem you have introduced here. Neglect, she still feels that she has failed somehow, fixed on her part in their decay, the guilt that sits in this statement sets up what you are trying to say, makes the connection between her and the man she loves.

    It is her most natural desire yet

    And deceitfully vows for not long

    How sad! Even though he fancies her, he is "enchanted by his temptress" she still feels by the introduction of the neglected fingernails that there is something not good enough about the situation that she feels responsible for.

    I like this piece.
    I think it resonates with the truth that most women face through out their lives.

    Yet I believe should we ever really appreciate our role as woman, this would go away and the pressure that we put on ourselves to be enough would fade where we could freely love with abandon.

    Thanks for sharing.

    | Posted on 2014-12-06 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

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