Description: i be a weirdo. of that i am sure as well.
and dh was right about those birds. -------------------------------------------
they shouldn't be sorry.
i want You to know that most days i trust You. i trust in You and Your time. (not my time.) i know i get antsy, throw tantrums and question to no end. but i do believe that You are preparing me for something. and i am okay with that.
there are times in my life when i hear nothing at all but my own thoughts. my own interjections. into the big-big-blue they spiral
and split into nothingness. into somethingness.
(makes me believe.)
makes me believe that life
is a love lesson.
i never did mind much - the power of prayer. or,
where it took me.
i sometimes wonder what my story is.
(why it reads the way it does.)
does God fold the tips of my pages?
hope to return some sunny day
when He's feeling lazy? a little sexy?
maybe laying on a divan with sweet peas nearby?
and tom said: you are enjoying that stoop.
i told him: that's where i find God.
he said: you're looking for God?
i told him : no. that's where i find God.
i realized i haven't communed with the One above of late. (not sure why really.) i miss that awareness. that connection. that heart-filled-up-feeling i get when i go beyond myself.
it's something to consider at least (my human nature and the nature of things).
as well, knowing that i am loved.
i am loved. and i need not be afraid.
i need not be afraid.
there is no bargaining with God. (i have been filling up fox-holed-prayer holes for far too long.) dirt is heavy. truth is indifferent. and i think i'm almost done.
come next spring, i might just plant something pretty.
life has a good one-to-one-two punch; something to jolt me into breathing right for a change.
i find it's not about having to be right. it's about being willing to not have to be.
beneath all the things i've ever done - redemption awaits.
all I need is a warm day
and a thousand year journey
to put spirit in perspective
some say that I'll never understand Him
but I laugh because I've never
how is understanding
such a compelling mystery
when existence is a greater challenge
and giving up and letting go
are tempting alternatives
to swimming among
plankton that fondly call themselves
I like the bit about projections turning into nothing and also something.
My favourite phrase / most often used phrase is "i don't know"
and what happens is i can talk at length about something
and or think
and or feel
about something, i can just BE and BE in just one spot and enjoy the sensation of having it come to me whether i am receptive or not
but its really just that present v distant
or the presence of what is elusive
and im just like fucking hell, i dont know.
But i do know.
Love is wordlessness and knowledge is finding you are lost...
I think that going back to that sensation thing life/time equips us with both of those things, answers to what we have been searching for and lol also revealing there is more of the puzzle.
Idk gets replaced by something like
the answers will be revealed to me.
That is what i think and i like that cos it can involve work or even just easing up on yourself but its also humble.
I think that humans in our experience are like a great big spaceship that it would take a whole day to pass in front of you- at the front of the ship we are really at our dumbest and at the back of the ship thats where we acclimate toward our learning.
Anyway, havent read you in a while but really enjoyed this and the look at what life is like, sometimes, inside your body.
Rarely can someone write about their relationship with G-d so freely and candidly. This piece touches me. I wonder at the imagery of a "fox-holed prayer hole." It feels.. not heavy, but laden with very personal feelings. I'd love to hear more.