Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deleting one's souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 489
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561



    Description:
       I wrote this two months ago yet the sort of inspiration or the deed itself came to past 3 or 4 years ago. It used to have 17 lines though I read it before posting it and it occurred to me that something had to be added. In other words, line 12 is brand-new. It makes sense to me especially considering what I stated in previous write called "Walking words" I don’t know if the addition spoils it or not …..


    In quite a different vein, it seems as though inspiration can only be sparkled when the air is suffused with dejection. I love writing but I'm not always overly fond of downheartedness which makes me feel life-threateningly conflicted.

    I would love to hear your comments on it even if you loathe it :

    Cheers

    Ethan Brody


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeleting one's souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Changing words by love
    What a waste!
    It’s still vividly in mind
    The day I sold my voice,
    Severed my heart
    And ripped off sheets
    To purportedly forget.
    How could I have ever undertaken
    Such a mighty task?
    How could I delete
    Who I once was
    or what I’ll always be?
    Now I wonder
    What would he have felt
    had he lost Macbeth?
    Or what would Poe have done
    Had he let his crow fly?
    Half of me has shuffled off this mortal coil!




    Submitted on 2014-12-15 20:34:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The addition of line 12 is a good one. I'm not sure if I like the tense shift from third to first person. It feels like you deliberately held back from using "I" only to turn and use it liberally. It feels like gritting teeth and then just letting go. Why use Poe's name but not Shakespeare. You could exclude Poe by " let the Raven fly" or some such.
    I hate editing and find I have to let things sit to be objective.
    | Posted on 2014-12-18 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting take, but how do we know "Macbeth" as we know it today is actually in the pure form Shakespeare intended? Selling out is not always a bad thing.
    | Posted on 2014-12-16 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199720

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Stretto written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Legends written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Genesis written by saartha
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry