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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deleting one's souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 432
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561



    Description:
       I wrote this two months ago yet the sort of inspiration or the deed itself came to past 3 or 4 years ago. It used to have 17 lines though I read it before posting it and it occurred to me that something had to be added. In other words, line 12 is brand-new. It makes sense to me especially considering what I stated in previous write called "Walking words" I don’t know if the addition spoils it or not …..


    In quite a different vein, it seems as though inspiration can only be sparkled when the air is suffused with dejection. I love writing but I'm not always overly fond of downheartedness which makes me feel life-threateningly conflicted.

    I would love to hear your comments on it even if you loathe it :

    Cheers

    Ethan Brody


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeleting one's souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Changing words by love
    What a waste!
    It’s still vividly in mind
    The day I sold my voice,
    Severed my heart
    And ripped off sheets
    To purportedly forget.
    How could I have ever undertaken
    Such a mighty task?
    How could I delete
    Who I once was
    or what I’ll always be?
    Now I wonder
    What would he have felt
    had he lost Macbeth?
    Or what would Poe have done
    Had he let his crow fly?
    Half of me has shuffled off this mortal coil!




    Submitted on 2014-12-15 20:34:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The addition of line 12 is a good one. I'm not sure if I like the tense shift from third to first person. It feels like you deliberately held back from using "I" only to turn and use it liberally. It feels like gritting teeth and then just letting go. Why use Poe's name but not Shakespeare. You could exclude Poe by " let the Raven fly" or some such.
    I hate editing and find I have to let things sit to be objective.
    | Posted on 2014-12-18 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting take, but how do we know "Macbeth" as we know it today is actually in the pure form Shakespeare intended? Selling out is not always a bad thing.
    | Posted on 2014-12-16 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]


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