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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sea of Joydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: monad
    ASL Info:    64/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1083/406/116
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Prose/Friendship
    Total Views: 1275
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 353



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSea of Joydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sad eyed lady of the harbor, standing on the shores of time, with the rhythms flowing through your hair like the washed up colors of a thousand songs in syncopated rhyme.

    I’ll build myself a castle with the borders of the sky, to stand with you forever till the reason is swept aside, and we all live together like integrated minds.




    Submitted on 2014-12-29 12:15:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      This another magical piece! I do love your mind Bruce. I feel like I am in a beautiful mythical land when I read your poetry. I love the surreality engraved here like a sparkling jewel. Such a breath of fresh air to read this. The last part really struck me "...we all live together like integrated minds" Even though the Lady of the Harbor slightly reminds me of a siren with all of the rhythmic songs flowing through her hair. The magic of this write is sealed with mystery with the last stanza. Nicely penned!! You have me in deep thought once again...
    | Posted on 2015-03-19 00:00:00 | by ShadowParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      Like they say (above) this is special, it is to go on the mental charm bracelet and reflect flashes from all sorts of circumstances at surprising moments!

    I saw several stories, one after the other, when I had read it. The first kept on returning: the Little Mermaid of Copenhagen has got legs, alas, and is standing tall in the edge of the sea with the winds in her hair, dreaming of the ocean her lonely joy. And she kept on turning into the Statue Of Liberty @ New York, but is just as often the queen avatar of your soul opening the way out to sea ... sea of thought and dreaming. Then she meets a pet image of mine: the Bird Of Kinship who is a wandering albatross that returns only after years to tell about her journey.

    I always reckon that little poems are portals to big mental/emotional spaces; this one does that so well, which is why it's special. The castle reminded me of something you can see, if you are there, in tropical seas far from shore, scaling the sky from horizon to zenith: the rare waterspout on a clear day. It's not a castle but it is just as wild a fancy - yet real!

    Like a good short poem.
    | Posted on 2015-02-27 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      the imagery in this moves me. i would love to see this expanded in short story form possibly, or maybe a ballad. a great beginning :)
    | Posted on 2015-02-08 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. A beautiful write, short and very sweet. The second stanza is amazing. The last line, we all live together like integrated minds, is very impactive and it touches deeply.

    | Posted on 2015-01-26 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]
      I know that you put this a prose but it's really poetry without the structure. The rhythm and flow of your words is dreamy and brings to mind beauty. It contradicts the descriptions of "sad-eyed beauty"," or perhaps not melancholy has its own beauty in the quietness. The second paragraph expands on this with limitless boarders of acceptance and the unity of integrated minds.
    Thanks for a great Read!
    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-01-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful flow. Vivid images. Ingenious choice of words, especially, "I'll build myself a castle with the borders of the sky," You break the rules so subtly and sensually, that it works perfectly.
    | Posted on 2015-01-20 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      We all, eh? Pleasant thoughts.

    It's a great piece, very visual, the mixture of simplicity and vocabulary words I haven't seen since the SATs was a genius stroke. The beat felt very much like waves, as someone else pointed out.

    The sad eyed lady, seemed more metaphorical than this simply being an ode to a woman. Be she the Lady Liberty or Mother Earth or some Goddess of the sea...she just felt abstract.

    Just stopping by to say hi,
    --Carrie
    | Posted on 2015-01-17 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful. I love it when a writer draws in the natural rhythm of waves upon the shore. I always like to read the piece with that sound in mind.

    This was perfectly suited for that.
    The imagery and word usage are so beautiful.

    "with the rhythms flowing through your hair like the washed up colors of a thousand songs in syncopated rhyme."

    The conclusion was so great also.

    "I’ll build myself a castle with the borders of the sky, to stand with you forever till the reason is swept aside"

    I think this is an instant classic, mounting itself up there with all great writers of our time.

    I could really see myself dissecting this one in Literature class back in the day, adoring the beauty, the word usage, the implications of each statement on to the next and exploring the explosions of meaning and elaboration of meaning.

    Thanks for sharing this one.

    What a refreshing read.
    I am so glad I stopped by.
    | Posted on 2015-01-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I shouldn't think she would remain sad eyed for long in such good company. With women it is often all about patience and dedication (and more patience). Lovely castle.
    | Posted on 2015-01-03 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is lovely, Bruce!
    the image of your sky castle and its horizon-brick walls is my favorite,
    colored songs flowing through hair is quite intriguing to envision as well.

    I enjoyed this very much. But, I cant reconcile the title with the verses. I must be missing something. Enlighten me?
    | Posted on 2014-12-31 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      Out of everything I've read here since coming back to ES, this just might be my favorite. The tempo of the piece is a background element rather than a pounding metronome, because it is left to the ear rather than the eye. I very much like that technique. The emotion expressed is pure and understated.

    The last phrase pulls in an interesting element. Whereas the rest of the piece appears to be between the narrator and the lady, the phrase "we all live together" implies a multitude of people, perhaps shedding light on the true nature of the lady?
    | Posted on 2014-12-30 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]


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