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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rapdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Big_Bill789
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 329/370/119
    Words: 294
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1682



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRapdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its not what you do its just what you say
    I got notoriety from getting niggas laid
    Thanks god its finally a bright sunny day
    Got me a coke and a big bag of lays

    Got me some dope and a big bag of jays
    Gonna smoke til I choke these hoes know its payday
    Got stacks in the kitchen, next to the mayonaise
    Eating racks with the bitches, lemon pepper glaze

    Smoking sacks with these bitches, og lemon haze
    We get real high then we watch the replays
    She said I see right through you, I said like and xray?
    Ive lost track of time, coked up for days

    Pimping aint easy when theres bills to pay
    Makes me real tired wanna hit the hay
    Eat some beans in rice like in santa fe
    Call up comcast for the triple play

    Im driving my lambo, miracle whip
    Bread to my sandwich, critical hit
    Hard to reason with her, empirical wit
    She still got time for that premarital dick

    She still got time, to bag up all my shit
    Tonys waitin for me on martin and fifth
    She got nice dimples from my pistol whip
    I tell her keep it simple, I dont want no lip

    I tell her keep it poppin, for the og pimp
    She'll go down on you for some frozen shrimp
    We call her nasty rhonda yeah she walk with a limp
    Brothers named tommy yeah he look like a gimp

    Use to buy the bud from him till that nigga be skimp
    Had to gut him like a fish, like a book out of print
    Broke his whole head, had his dick in a splint
    Smelled like lemon and peppermint





    Submitted on 2015-01-03 16:18:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with WonderCunt's comment...unfortunately this just seems very generic to me reading through it. I have possible edits though. The first stanza, the line:

    "She said I see right through you, I said like and xray?"

    Should be "an" not "and". Besides that, I just see a lot of punctuation and grammatical errors but that's expected when using Ebonics to write a poem. It's very crude and vulgar, but if that's what you were going for then well done.

    I do see potential in your rap though; I can see that you have clever rhyme schemes and emotion/experience to drive your writing. I hope to see more in the future to see your progress.
    | Posted on 2015-01-14 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]
      If you were setting out to write the most stereotypical rap song, you nailed it. I took the bait to see what you did, and I was underwhelmed. Same old, same old. Better luck next time :)
    | Posted on 2015-01-09 00:00:00 | by WonderCunt | [ Reply to This ]


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