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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My world dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: D-Ink
    Elite Ratio:    1.38 - 81/59/58
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Rant/Venting
    Total Views: 706
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       A rant to the jolly good fellow over there.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy world dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My world seems to be coloured
    In deep tones of black
    Whenever you are around.

    You suffocate me
    You terrorize me
    You make my insides tear into a million pieces.

    I hate you
    You hate me
    You made me hate myself even more.

    I wish you nothing
    But ill cause all that
    You made me see was nothing good.

    My existence was a pain
    You made that very clear
    The moment I stepped into your line.

    A voice, I thought I had
    Was lost in the air
    While you made my life a living hell.

    Cause I was all along
    A living doll
    With no emotions.

    Nothing to emote, to bare,
    To have or to share.
    While you live, I had to die.

    I was the sin,
    While you're the sinner
    Of a place where condemnation
    And hatred rules over all.




    Submitted on 2015-01-04 06:31:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      My only comment is to rearrange the fourth strophe a bit. The capitalization of "But" made me stop and interrupted the flow a bit because you did not end on the natural pause in your sentence.

    I wish you nothing but ill
    'Cause all that you made me see
    Was nothing good.

    Overall very emotive write. You anger and pain come through very good. I would like to see a bit more punctuation throughout. Word will help with that if you so choose. It's one of those things I think that needs to been done correctly of left out totally, but I have trouble deciding for myself which way to go sometimes.
    | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      nothing distracted me from this writing..
    reading this brought thoughts of all sorts.
    parts I can relate very strong to
    after reading through the tears all I wished is all the happiness in the world ..I wish for you!
    there is nothing here I would change
    you said what had to be said

    | Posted on 2015-01-10 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]


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