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    dots Submission Name: My world dots

    Author: D-Ink
    Elite Ratio:    1.38 - 81/59/58
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Rant/Venting
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955

       A rant to the jolly good fellow over there.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy world dots

    My world seems to be coloured
    In deep tones of black
    Whenever you are around.

    You suffocate me
    You terrorize me
    You make my insides tear into a million pieces.

    I hate you
    You hate me
    You made me hate myself even more.

    I wish you nothing
    But ill cause all that
    You made me see was nothing good.

    My existence was a pain
    You made that very clear
    The moment I stepped into your line.

    A voice, I thought I had
    Was lost in the air
    While you made my life a living hell.

    Cause I was all along
    A living doll
    With no emotions.

    Nothing to emote, to bare,
    To have or to share.
    While you live, I had to die.

    I was the sin,
    While you're the sinner
    Of a place where condemnation
    And hatred rules over all.

    Submitted on 2015-01-04 06:31:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      My only comment is to rearrange the fourth strophe a bit. The capitalization of "But" made me stop and interrupted the flow a bit because you did not end on the natural pause in your sentence.

    I wish you nothing but ill
    'Cause all that you made me see
    Was nothing good.

    Overall very emotive write. You anger and pain come through very good. I would like to see a bit more punctuation throughout. Word will help with that if you so choose. It's one of those things I think that needs to been done correctly of left out totally, but I have trouble deciding for myself which way to go sometimes.
    | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      nothing distracted me from this writing..
    reading this brought thoughts of all sorts.
    parts I can relate very strong to
    after reading through the tears all I wished is all the happiness in the world ..I wish for you!
    there is nothing here I would change
    you said what had to be said

    | Posted on 2015-01-10 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]

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