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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: There's Something Wrong With Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: riverrei
    ASL Info:    25/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    5.93 - 64/34/61
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1081
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1269



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThere's Something Wrong With Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    What’s wrong?
    I should be happy. . .
    Stress is taking over,
    drowning me within it.
    What’s wrong with me?

    I admit the truth
    and you yell at me.
    I tell only the truth
    and you scream at me.
    You wanted to truth
    and you get it.

    You wanted to know
    why I was stressed.
    you trick me into telling you
    and you abandon me.
    You argue and scream at me more.
    Don’t’ you know that’s not helping?
    What’s wrong with me?

    I’m going insane.
    I can’t go against the grain.
    No free will, no time to myself.
    No privacy, no trust.
    There is no anything. . .
    I’m going insane. . .
    What’s wrong with me?

    Trying to be happy,
    failing in the end.
    Just like everything else.
    All I am is a failure.

    I’ve got the blade,
    just let me bleed.
    So with the gentle flow of blood
    my stress is relieved.

    There’s something wrong with me.
    Just let me fix it.
    So like a fairy tale,
    I can live happily ever after.

    There’s something wrong with me. . .
    What could it be?




    Submitted on 2015-01-04 15:28:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      im going to be painstakingly honest with you.
    as i would like people to be with me.
    i feel as if this lacks originality.
    its reminded me of something i wrote when i first joined ES
    almost 9 years ago now
    under the alias ("dark figure").
    and upon realising that i read a list longer than my arm of similar writings within the first week.
    this critique does not make the feelings you feel while creating your work any lesser.

    don't write this off or get hurt by my words but put this one under the microscope and build it into a scene with characters and a sense of place even if it ends up two three times longer than it is now i feel it will enrich the work and leave a lasting or more permeable effect upon its readers.

    but hey what do i know

    right now its raw and needs a spice to be savoured, this is just food for thought.

    Distorted cloud
    | Posted on 2015-01-12 00:00:00 | by distortedcloud | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199847

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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