[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: There's Something Wrong With Medots

    Author: riverrei
    ASL Info:    25/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    5.93 - 64/34/61
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1081
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1269


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThere's Something Wrong With Medots

    What’s wrong?
    I should be happy. . .
    Stress is taking over,
    drowning me within it.
    What’s wrong with me?

    I admit the truth
    and you yell at me.
    I tell only the truth
    and you scream at me.
    You wanted to truth
    and you get it.

    You wanted to know
    why I was stressed.
    you trick me into telling you
    and you abandon me.
    You argue and scream at me more.
    Don’t’ you know that’s not helping?
    What’s wrong with me?

    I’m going insane.
    I can’t go against the grain.
    No free will, no time to myself.
    No privacy, no trust.
    There is no anything. . .
    I’m going insane. . .
    What’s wrong with me?

    Trying to be happy,
    failing in the end.
    Just like everything else.
    All I am is a failure.

    I’ve got the blade,
    just let me bleed.
    So with the gentle flow of blood
    my stress is relieved.

    There’s something wrong with me.
    Just let me fix it.
    So like a fairy tale,
    I can live happily ever after.

    There’s something wrong with me. . .
    What could it be?

    Submitted on 2015-01-04 15:28:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      im going to be painstakingly honest with you.
    as i would like people to be with me.
    i feel as if this lacks originality.
    its reminded me of something i wrote when i first joined ES
    almost 9 years ago now
    under the alias ("dark figure").
    and upon realising that i read a list longer than my arm of similar writings within the first week.
    this critique does not make the feelings you feel while creating your work any lesser.

    don't write this off or get hurt by my words but put this one under the microscope and build it into a scene with characters and a sense of place even if it ends up two three times longer than it is now i feel it will enrich the work and leave a lasting or more permeable effect upon its readers.

    but hey what do i know

    right now its raw and needs a spice to be savoured, this is just food for thought.

    Distorted cloud
    | Posted on 2015-01-12 00:00:00 | by distortedcloud | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Outlaw
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]