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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Holes EveryWheredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Forgiven
    ASL Info:    38/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 335/330/93
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 647
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1190



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHoles EveryWheredots
    -------------------------------------------


    I keep finding myself in this hole.
    I have all ability to climb out...
    but I wont,
    I "cant",
    I'm not ready...


    And with those words
    I realize....
    Im holding on to a memory.
    Something fake,
    a feeling I was alone with.

    Unfinished business
    can leave a mind in chaos.

    So many convictions
    and persecutions of yourself.
    Your stability,
    your grip on the realities of the world,
    the person you believed you were,
    the "abilities: to see beyond words...

    I feel as though I've lost my power
    the greatness's that made me,me.....

    When I look at myself
    its not what I use to see...
    this is no one,
    unwanted,
    lost....

    I'm struggling to find my way out
    but the struggle lies in my mind.
    my body has decided to give up
    and remains on the ground
    forcing my heart to tell the lies to my mind
    making me trip back into the hole...

    I'm setting up camp here....


    Denise




    Submitted on 2015-01-09 05:53:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting suggestions all throughout the piece. Ideas about reality and how the emotion plays along into self delusion.

    So much passionate empathy, the paradox left me feeling as if I was getting involved personally with everything. It takes something special to deliver that to a reader. In the end you are not alone, your subject does not suggest it yet the tone and passion just reach toward the reader and remind them they are not alone.
    | Posted on 2015-01-11 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Part of this feels like prose, part like poetry. Some of it seems confessional and the rest very broad and observational. I believe that, in general, you've camped out between two extremes and are having trouble finding your way to a relatively happy medium. It may be time to toss some beams over those holes and stride toward some solid ground.

    Once again, just my thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2015-01-11 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      the monologue is very relatable especially "unfinished business", my life is plagued by the unfinished to the point of blurring where is possibly began and again this i feel surfaces in this writing.
    the impotence, the struggle alienation of self reminds me of the countless nights i have spent staring at the ceiling, not moving for days questioning my existence and the very fabric of a personally perceived reality wondering am i alone in such a state.

    i have only one negative emotion about this otherwise i really enjoyed getting to read your cross examination of your self and that is it feels slightly rush towards the end

    "I'm struggling to find my way out
    but the struggle lies in my mind.
    my body has decided to give up
    and remains on the ground
    forcing my heart to tell the lies to my mind
    making me trip back into the hole..."

    right up to this point a sort of suspense was building thats the best way i can describe it and then it seems you didn't want to go deeper into that hole and turn it inside out because it wouldn't look aesthetically pleasing to the format you were working around i'm possibly being greedy and just desire more words something more something revealing, exploitive of sorts.
    hmmm maybe i should ponder this before sharing my thoughts but i fear i could possibly forget and then we would both be missing out.

    overall i sense the personal emotion a reclusive nature in the work so i think you have achieved possibly what your describing
    it would be nice to see a piece that talks of the underlying issues.

    All the best,
    Distorted Cloud.

    | Posted on 2015-01-09 00:00:00 | by distortedcloud | [ Reply to This ]


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