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    dots Submission Name: Suddendots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 136/243/154
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 861
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 484


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I’ve learnt to live
    without you, without your voice
    without the room that grew
    with silent prayer
    even that
    airlessness expanded
    folded around the edges
    & dipped headfirst into
    the first burst of snow
    which fell from cut-out sky
    into the space between
    train cars
    & station roof,
    face thrust upwards
    & caught in lamplights
    this new universe

    Submitted on 2015-01-09 17:05:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i know the loss of a loved one all to well to recognise the alienation that comes with it having to accept the world anew again.
    the realisation the moments you may have shared and treasured are now yours alone and and no longer shared the world feels fake cold almost comparable to a child pop up book with all the pages torn out and stuck down again.

    as time passes the snow will melt and life will again begin to grow
    the taint that is left by loss is a flavour that we all have to familiarise our self with at some point as we are like the fragile snowflake that finds its way into the hearts of others

    "folded around the edges
    & dipped headfirst into
    the first burst of snow
    which fell from cut-out sky
    into the space between"

    very visual and surreal!
    this is the core of the work that is holding it together
    i know it may seem obvious as it is in the middle but some times it helps when another points these things out for us.

    next time you write hold onto the moment you feel everything coming together write it and get rid of everything else that isn't as poignant this is just a suggestion do with it as you wish.

    most importantly of all keep writing.

    Distorted Cloud
    | Posted on 2015-01-12 00:00:00 | by distortedcloud | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting that you call this piece sudden and yet the first line is ive learned...

    i remember the opening scene from prozac nation where the girl is saying she got depressed gradually and then suddenly and i guess this piece is the same thing for me...

    youve suddenly realised that you have moved on.
    the surroundings are familiar but the context is different.
    and there will have been a lot of hard moments along the moving on/living without process but youve come to a place where you can say youve made it

    whether you initially wanted to make it or not.

    a very beautiful piece.
    | Posted on 2015-01-10 00:00:00 | by allapo1ogies | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. The word play is very interesting to me and liked the flow of it. I'm not sure what the poem was about or where you were going with it, but overall I did like reading it.
    | Posted on 2015-01-10 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]

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