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    dots Submission Name: Negative Nancydots

    Author: D-Ink
    Elite Ratio:    1.38 - 81/59/58
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1296


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNegative Nancydots

    I have a friend
    She always tags along
    She's always up to no good
    Always putting me down

    I tried to be nice to her
    To show her that things
    Are not really bad
    As it seems

    She never listens
    This friend of mine
    Sometimes I wonder
    How did I end up with her?

    I tried to be kind
    I tried not to mind
    Of the words she played
    On and off in my mind

    When I say
    I can, She'll say I can't
    When I say I will,
    No prizes for guessing what she'll say

    She'll bring my mood down
    Wherever I go
    She'll make me mad
    Sometimes without a reason to

    I've tried to shut her down
    I've tried to make her leave
    But nothing seemed to work
    I had no choice but to heed

    I'm tired of this
    I'm tired of it all
    I wish I know
    I wish I have

    A cure, a jab
    Something or anything
    That'll make her stop
    Even for a second

    Does anybody know?
    Please tell me
    I'm down on my knees
    I'll do anything

    Just to let her go.

    Submitted on 2015-01-11 10:07:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
    | Posted on 2015-01-15 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the above tweaks/edits. I also have the below possibilities:

    I'm tired of this
    I'm tired of it all
    I wish I know (knew)
    I wish I have (had)

    it just seems to flow a little better when written this way. You obviously don't have to take my suggestions, just a thought. I like the poem a lot and can definitely relate the feeling within the poem. I hope that one day you can find a happy medium with this friend, or find a resolution. Take care!
    | Posted on 2015-01-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a friend
    She always tags along
    She's always up to no good
    Always putting me down

    I tried to be nice to her
    To show her that things
    Are not really (as terrible)
    As (they may) seem

    Just a suggestion for a tweak that might help you keep your rhythm throughout the post. By the way, have you considered evicting Miss Nancy from the back of your skull and sub-letting to someone a little more positive like (I don't know) Captain Flash and the Christmas People? I'm sure they'd supply year round holiday music. Just some thoughts on your thoughts.

    | Posted on 2015-01-11 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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