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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I amdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Linzi
    ASL Info:    24.f.wales
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 80/100/94
    Words: 292
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 531
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1917



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI amdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am

    I am the wail that torments you
    through darkest nights and cloudy days;
    The scratches against your casement
    in the melancholy phase of lunacy.
    I am the storm-clouds that conceal enlightenment,
    and the lightning that bursts through their seams.
    I am the fear of the thunder,
    the ego that shadows your dreams.

    And yet, I am not all that I seem.
    I am not quite all that you deem
    wise. For I come in many a guise,
    And materialise in the eyes of many.
    I am perception -
    a defiance of logic and reason.
    I guess you could call me a treason
    of outright lies and deception.
    An inception of truth as metaphor.

    I open the door to the labyrinth
    of rewired synapses
    and neurological relapses.
    I blur the boundaries
    of brain, mind and soul.
    So that your thoughts float like ghost-trails,
    (Through trenches of neurons),
    to the coal that fuels your flames.

    I am neither dead nor living
    I am neither male nor female,
    I am a tale, a legend,
    an omnipresent alternative,
    forged in the dregs of forgotten.

    I exist in the in-between,
    of the earth and all it's matter;
    Suppressed,
    by years of sedimentary conditioning.
    I am the rawness of infancy, of your childhood, and adolescence.
    The substance of abstract thinking.
    I am free from the influence of peers.

    So squashed am I that I buckle
    beneath the burden of adulthood,
    and bleed into your very chromosomes.
    I'll become a projection of the true...
    Everything that you'll hope to redo,
    and fail by means of their rejection.

    For I am, I am, I am, I am...
    I think...
    that I AM...You!




    Submitted on 2015-01-11 16:32:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way you present abstract thinking or relative rationality as something not quite real or empirically oriented. I agree there is a vast difference between relative rationality and rational relativity, but for me the treason would be not allowing my mind to contemplate these things. Imagination often seems like an immaturity in light of our present state of abilities. For the person who wants to think they've got it all figured out it becomes irrelevant, inapplicable, scary even. Yet logistically these paradoxical and often diametrically opposed to reality concepts are a natural byproduct of the nature of sentience. We need them like black needs white, like hot needs cold, they round out the too sharp edges of a one track mind.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2015-01-28 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      this is amazing! i do not believe i am skilled enough at this time to critique this writting. this remindes me so much of the first poem i wrote on ES ; "Who am I?", im not trying to boast of comparisons, or similarities of perspective, well maybe. but, none the less, i wrote this comment as a request: please read my poem. im not looking for critiques of grammer, spelling or flow, but rather that of perspective and opinion of conscept. though your vernacular and shear talent out class my own. i feel that we are looking at the same concept from almost completly opposite ends, yet with the same attitude. i know you'll like my poem and will probably have a lot to say on its approach. i on the other hand need to read yours a lot more before i have a solid opinion. sorry for writing this in a critique box, but i needed to ask you right away. thanks for the great read.
    | Posted on 2015-01-18 00:00:00 | by Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      In the first stanza:

    *seams, not seems

    Second stanza:

    *materialize, not materialise
    I'm not sure what you mean by "I am treason"...

    Third stanza:

    *neurons, not neurones

    Overall, I very much enjoyed this piece. I think you hold too tightly to keeping the ends of lines rhyming...for example, in the first stanza you say:

    "The scratches against your casement
    in the melancholy phase
    of lunacy."

    I would put this into two lines. It makes more sense to me and makes the lines flow better.

    Just my opinion :) As I said, overall I really enjoyed reading this. It has a lot of depth to it that spoke to me. I wish I had your talent! Please, keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2015-01-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]


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