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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Rootsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EileenToTheLeft
    ASL Info:    28/f/va
    Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 16/36/55
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 583



    Description:
       The poem is about the product of the tree (rubber/latex), not the tree itself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Rootsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My ancestors tapped rubber trees,
    made incisions in the bark,
    milked the sap, and waterproofed
    the soles of their moccasins.
    They kept their feet to the earth, grounded,
    ready to move and endure conditions
    they could have no personal sway in.

    My mind, no longer firmly rooted,
    floats clumsily above my head, as
    helium trapped inside of latex
    in some instinctual, primitive
    attempt at resilience.
    The string, our only remaining attachment,
    a lifeline knotted tightly around my wrist.




    Submitted on 2015-01-13 16:58:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      We all seem to float on strings - lost our roots. And for many the rootless life is a chaotic search for whatever. You've got perspective and write well.
    | Posted on 2015-02-01 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the second stanza, it was very relatable. I can't say I understand the whole piece. It's been many times where I have written something that makes sense to only me, so I suggest trying to be a bit more clear with your writing. You have a great way with words though, the last couple of lines really stood out. Look forward to reading more of your posts! :)
    | Posted on 2015-01-30 00:00:00 | by unwantedlove20 | [ Reply to This ]
      Axe that 'as' and just have it read:
    floats clumsily above my head,
    helium trapped inside of latex

    Flows better. Kinda questioning the use of 'clumsy,' there might be a better word for what you mean. Clumsy is such an earth-bound word, if you know what I mean. I like the brevity of the poem, but I agree with phil askew: there's more here. the two trees, the lifeline. I like the connection you made to latex keeping your ancestors grounded and helping you float away, that was a nice juxtaposition. Perfectly ok poem.
    | Posted on 2015-01-18 00:00:00 | by WonderCunt | [ Reply to This ]
      Eileen – I see two types of trees; the rubber trees and the ancestral tree. The product of the first tree (Latex) assisted them by waterproofing and, thus, kept their feet on the ground, where otherwise they may not have been. The product of the second tree, the genetic one, is the author who is holding onto her sanity by a string.
    The product of the first tree kept their feet on the ground under any conditions. The product of the second tree could lose it with the snap of a broken string.
    Where do we go from there? It seems to me that more is needed, a resolution of some sort. The quandary has been set, but what happens? Does the string break? Or, are the roots of the trees strong enough to pull the mind-balloon back to reality.
    I liked it. Well done.
    Phil
    | Posted on 2015-01-15 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for your feedback. My poem isn't about the tree and being rooted. My poem is about the product from the tree (rubber/latex) and my ancestor's use of it compared to my own present use of it metaphorically.
    | Posted on 2015-01-14 00:00:00 | by EileenToTheLeft | [ Reply to This ]
      Although I enjoyed the juxtaposition between your roots and your feeling of being unrooted. This is not badly crafted. Yes some separation into three stanzas may make the shifts clearer but by leaving them together you have also created a commonality between the three things. The last two lines explain or hint at the feelings and thoughts that have disrupted your life.
    the only thing that felt off to me, is that you have made your genetic roots a bit one dimensional. The native American culture also has a strong metaphysical tradition, so perhaps drifting from your roots is only a separation from the person who kept you grounded. It might be interesting to explore that thought.
    I hope to read more from you
    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-01-14 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the image behind the last couple lines:

    "The string, our only remaining attachment,
    A lifeline knotted tightly around my wrist."

    It's definitely my favorite part of this piece. It is clear, relatable and has a strong meaning behind it. I may use something similar in a piece of my own in fact, yay inspiration!

    However, I didn't really understand the rest of the poem. It wasn't really clear to me what was going on. Something about a Native American background and then goes to you. There's no separation of stanzas indicating something even slightly different in direction so it threw me off a bit so I didn't enjoy the poem as much as I could have.
    I'm not sure how the Native American ancestry plays into whether your mind is firmly rooted or not.

    I see promise in your writing though, I'm sorry my critic isn't completely positive but I do encourage you to keep writing :) I hope to see more from you.
    | Posted on 2015-01-13 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]


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