Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: (Happy) Birthdaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vismare
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 19/16/9
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 493
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1078



    Description:
       Going out and away this weekend with my siblings and family to celebrate my 21st! From past experiences I've conjured this up...hopefully the result will end differently! Hah!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots(Happy) Birthdaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I age and turn another year
    My liver feels its worst off fear.
    I flashed my card with prideful gloat
    The drinks slide ever down my throat.

    Drink of choice is black spiced rum
    Twenty plus one deems its sum.
    I feel the æther filter through
    I feel the music grow, accrue.

    Waves of warmth upon my face
    Welcomes waving warmth's embrace.
    I feel unbalanced on my feet
    That's alright, the ground I'll meet.

    Softer than I thought, I thought
    Maybe too much rum I bought.
    Maybe this is not what's sought,
    Nausea's lesson must be taught.

    I feel my stomach kick my throat
    Since when was I upon a boat?!
    These waves are different, I connote
    How hard it is to stay afloat!

    I sail the storm of all that's blurred
    "Captain, get me home!!!!" I slurred.
    Next day from sleep I finally stirred
    And faced the wrath of sibling's word.





    Submitted on 2015-01-15 12:58:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hope it was a great birthday, even if it was a bit rum soaked. This was very light and easy to read with a good flow. I think most of us have been there, and done that, and someone snapped pictures to prove it.
    This will make a fun "diary piece," as I like to call them, to add to your collection. In another few years it will definitely give you chuckles to sit back and read and remember. I hope the morning after was not too bad!
    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-01-28 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Happy birthday to you! I hope it wasn't that of a crazy night! But at least you'll have something to remember...and not repeat ;).

    Oh, dear, you said it so beautifully and accurately when one has a bit too much, not knowing one's limits and the consequences that follow. I think we can all agree we've been there at least once. Unfortunately, when you get into deep...it's a bit harder to control yourself even when you didn't plan so initially.
    | Posted on 2015-01-20 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      I remember my first couple of bouts with serious drinking leading to similar states of wretched puke-ness. Fortunately by the time I reached 21 I already had a bar I could go to that had been serving me for more than a year so I didn't O.D. (over dose). Being much older and wiser these days I almost never O.D. My 60th birthday being an exception.

    I love the fact that you're a rhyming poet. It's a lost art for most of our poets. Though some of your rhymes were a little bit forced and contrived I enjoyed this piece immensely though this may have been to an extent a product of the nostalgic contemplations it caused me. Thanks for the smile.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2015-01-15 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199884

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry