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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What I hide behind what I feeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 282
    Class/Type: Poetry/Mirror or Mask
    Total Views: 691
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1712



    Description:
       I haven't written to much over these last years, an I haven't really been all that active on this site. However I felt like posting this here. Growing up in manner as I have has never been easy. From moving constantly at a young age, to moving out at 15 yrs of age,

    I have worked for everything and shouldered the burden of so much. An despite all the work life still is the same broken record of hardships. To coupe with it all I have worn a mask in public just to survive where others flourish. Just as life seemingly repeats itself, so does this poem.

    That is all I have to say...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat I hide behind what I feeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    If only people truly saw...
    what I hide behind what I feel...

    I have been told my smile...
    can make anyone else smile,
    an yet it is a fake..
    just a happy mask I wear..

    I have been told my presence...
    can warm up any room,
    while it's the fires of my rage..
    that is actually burning me up..

    If only people truly saw...
    what I hide behind what I feel...

    I tell you everything is O.K...
    while you see a grin from cheek to cheek,
    yet the lie is so obvious..
    an I am left alone again..

    I tell you what you should know...
    so you think I really care,
    while its everything about me..
    that no one seems to take notice of..

    If only people truly saw...
    what I hide behind what I feel...

    I listen to everyone's problems...
    to give them insight on what can be done,
    all the while I deal with my own..
    seeking help from few or none..

    I listen to all the great news...
    an rejoice with you all and cheer,
    an yet I am driven mad..
    for I can not be apart of anything..

    If only people truly saw...
    what I hide behind what I feel...

    I hope that I can leave...
    this place I grew to love,
    for it loves me no more..
    as I have stopped loving it..

    I hope that people can one day see...
    what it is I hide behind what I feel,
    for it is lonely in my realm..
    where I invite no one else..

    If only people truly saw...
    what I hide behind what I feel...




    Submitted on 2015-01-19 11:39:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This takes me back to high school. I was like this too; fake smile and yet my smile made others smile. I'm still told that my charisma can make someone's day so easily, along with my smile, and yet it is mostly fake, but less than what it was back then. I'm here for you if you would like someone to talk to. Life sucks but I promise it gets better with time. It can't always be bad.
    | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]
      Welcome back to writing! I think you'll find that many of us can identify with your feelings. I think most of us write as a release.

    The repetition of a chorus did not bother me. It was systematic and placing it after every second stanza keeps it from being monotonous. This is a reflection of you and I don't see really much to change. Your structure is good and the lines flow. You have one tiny typo S5 L4 "and I am alone"

    Sorry life has crapped in your cereal bowl. I truly hope things will get better for you. Sometimes a fresh start is just what is needed, and I hope if that is the way you are moving that it's a success.

    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-01-29 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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